Interview: Negotiation Skills From Former FBI Agent Chris Voss

May 24, 2017

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http://www.jairekrobbins.com/interview-negotiation-skills-from-former-fbi-agent-chris-voss/

 

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Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of JRCtv. If you’re listening to the podcast or watching this video, Hello.  We have a very special guest joining us, I just finished listening to his book which is awesome, if you’re watching it’s called NEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE, you can see it right over his shoulders there which is awesome, this is Mr. Chris Voss, he’s the CEO and founder of The Black Swan LTD Group or The Black Swan Group is the better way to say it.  His 24 years experience in the FBI and was former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, he’s a speaker which I’ll tell you where we first run into each other as well as adjunct professor and consultant.  I believe you’re a professor at Harvard and also USC?

 

CV: “Well I did, Harvard several years ago but these days, USC University of Southern California for all you people in the Southeast and Georgetown University in Washington, DC.”

JR: “Wonderful! Well thank you for joining us and thank you for sharing some of your wisdom and experience with everyone today in advance.”

CV: “Hey man, I am flattered, I am honored to be on with you. It’s very cool, I am glad we crossed paths again.”

JR: “Yeah I am excited, speaking of which the first time we cross paths, I believe was in Philly.”

CV: “It was in Philly, yeah in an event Carolyn put on.”

JR: “Yeah and we were both speaking there and we had I think it was a 4-hour conversation that night, hanging out, talking with everybody.”

CV: “yeah it was a lot of fun.”

JR: “I don’t know and I apologize, I don’t know why it took me so long to read your book.”

CV: “It took me a while to get the book out so that’s okay.”

JR: “Fair enough, fair enough I finally got my hands on it, I went through the whole book, and I mean I wish I can just hit instant download and put this in everybody’s playbook except for the people we negotiate with because obviously, it’s a little better for us to know it than them.  About one thing you said that’s really interesting is in the negotiation itself, we’ll get to some tactics  but I wanna share about you first, but in the negotiation itself it’s not you versus them as much as it’s you both trying to solve the problem at hand and I think a lot of people including myself when stuff gets tense when stuff gets interesting a lot of times that initial you know adversary thought process comes out. So I want to talk about that maybe towards the end we’ll talk about how to make that adjustment for people but for right now, I’d love to just tell about you, like how did you get into this for those listening and watching.”

CV: “Yeah you know just one thing after another out of left field. Which I think you know everybody’s life as it takes its path. I never planned of being an FBI agent probably didn’t even think about it until about 10 or 11 months before I was looking at to become an FBI agent and then like I was a SWAT guy, you know before I went to the FBI I was a police officer at Kansas City Missouri Police Department. Very good police department, wonderful charming, wonderful city.  And then the FBI thing comes up, I head in that direction, I was on a SWAT team, to me some of the best things that have happened to me in my life as a result of something it would be perceived as negative and so I reinjured my knee.  I tore ligaments in my knee because when I was in college I fancied myself as sort of the Caucasian Bruce Lee  (laughs). I wanted to be in the martial arts and I thought that would help me with the police department, blew the knee out. Blew it out again trying out for the  FBI’s hostage rescue team, the FBI’s version of the navy seal. A bunch of the HRT guys are former seals, former delta guys and then before I wanted to completely destroy my knee I started looking at something else within crisis response, FBI and hostage negotiator and I thought, how hard can it be? (laughs)

JR: (laughs) “interesting mindset to come in with.”

CV: “ I can talk to terrorist, I mean I really thought I can do that and initially they wouldn’t let me in.  Woman running the team in New York, Amy Bondoro she was like, she kinda look down her nose at me because I didn’t have any qualifications other than wanting to get after which you know anything in life is ingenuity, initiative is one of the biggest things and so she kinda tested me I didn’t realize it was a test at that time, she gave me a test to go out and do..

JR: Was that the lady who had you join the crisis hotline?

CV: “Yeah, I go volunteer on the hotline, you know and so then, the process of doing that, trying to get, I got on a team, we had a kidnapping that didn’t turn out the way we expect it to internationally, you know I’m gonna talk about it in the book and then had figuratively get better and that’s when I ended up collaborating with the guys at Harvard.  It were lot of fun, I really enjoyed working with those guys, Bob Manoukian, Shiela Heen, Doug Stone, you know just a whole crew of really smart people group up there and they said , hey you know you’re doing the same stuff as we are you just do it with different  stakes , you know it kinda open the door to business stuff and you know, Never Split the Difference, you know the book came out last May and if I can add, my co-writer Tahl Raz, freaking genius like anybody out there read anything Tahl Raz has written, if you’re interested in reading something about business, he’s also a co-author of another book Never Eat Alone which is also one the best networking books ever written.

JR: “Keith Rosen, he’s been a guest on the show as well, also people love him.”

CV : Keith is also phenomenal, and Tahl collaborated on Keith’s book, yeah I mean read anything Tahl’s written, it’s good stuff.”

JR: “Fair and cool, I have to look ‘em up. Keith’s business books.  So you went through this journey and there were different things you talked about in the book, that I mean literally your heart skips a beat every time you don’t know every time it’s like a page turner, what happened? Did he get him did he not? Did they take him out? And I think it’s always interesting and fun that you know a lot of conversation start with “3 mins, give me a car or the person dies” (laughs) and for most people if you’re watching, you’re a business owner , a coach or someone who a lot of times it’s not a life or death on the line as much as it’s an opportunity to close some type of gap though and that continuously overtime can lead up to the life or death of your company if you think of it that way coz really truly if you overpay or undercharge too many times in a  row you’ll end up , your margin’s gone and if your margin’s gone and then you go into the red now you had a business and that stat show  that 98% of businesses fail within 10 years , 95% fail within the first 5 years so this literally could be  a life of death topic for lot of small business owners if you’re in that first five-year or ten-year period of your business and so looking at it with that perspective maybe, I’d love to share this a couple of tips obviously they’re going to grab the book to deepen this concept but I’d love to share a few  tips for people watching , what some things, there might be an easy, applicable , easy something to apply almost immediately that if they watch this they took it away let me see if this really works, like I know he saved people’s lives, I know he’s rescued hostages and some have gone , one or two have gone wrong but most have gone in the right direction and like you said never split the difference and negotiate like your life depends on it because in this cases people’s lives do depend on it, so if they’re gonna take something with that kind of urgency into a business negotiation later this afternoon, what’s a couple of tips you might give them of something they could try immediately just to see that it works before they could have the chance to go to the book and really read all the meat in there?”

CV:  “Well you know first one is starting point is there’s great power in deference. So you take a deferential approach and then gives you license to set a lot of more things and the book starts with a story of the best way to say no!  and people either get this right away and start making money out of it immediately or it scares them. But the first and best way to say no in a deferential tone of voice is; ‘How am I supposed to do that and that?’  is, I got examples for the other side immediately cutting their price by half from a woman who is negotiating with a 13 yr old son who wanted her to buy him a video game and she said to her kid, “How am I supposed to do that?” and he immediately offered to pay for half (laughs) and then I got another colleague here in town business person negotiating with a  vendor over contract and he said to the guy “How am I supposed to do that?” and the vendor immediately cut his price by half , so I mean even that in it of itself you know and some people like “Ah, I can’t say that, what if they come back, you have to, now I’m in trouble”  and you know my advice to them is “Alright so, give it a try”.  Number 1, we actually coach people to say how I am supposed to do that continuously at least two or three times until the other side finally does say “You know because you have to”.  Because actually, your job as a business person is to be able to find out how much is on the table and when the other side says coz you have to you now have done your job on behalf of yourself, on behalf of your company.  You push the other side to the limit find out everything is on the table and you’re still talking. When somebody says to you, because you have to, you still engage into conversation, it’s not over. They didn’t slam their hands down, jump up and walk away, and didn’t call you names and didn’t threaten to report you to the better business bureau, they’ve said, hey look you pushed me to my limit and I’m still talking. I still wanna make this deal but you know now we’re gonna make the deal. Which is your job as a business person, so you know that little thing right there, that little one more people have instantly made more deals just with that phrase.”

JR:  “And so, here’s this interesting question coz I’ve been playing this myself, that would be on the point where someone’s purchasing from you and they’re trying to bid you down, correct?”

CV:  “Well in any time that you have to say no , or that you need to , you need to buy yourself some time it’s actually specifically designed thing, it’s also triggers something we called forced empathy and it’s the best way to get the other side take a look at you, to take a fair look at your position  and before they respond, it’s a stop and think moment for the other side. It triggers something that Danny Conoman, Nobel Prize-winning behavioral economist refers to slow thinking which is deep thinking, Conoman wrote a great book called, Thinking Fast and Slow . And his stuff is a foundation that explains a lot of what makes a hostage negotiation work business and personal life cause Conoman talked and goes into great depth about how we react in fact in a real world as opposed to theoretically you know this intellectual mythology which you know doesn’t exist.”

JR: “Right, the staircase thoughts came afterward, you know I should have said this!, I should have said that!, I would have done this! and that’s not reality of what actually happened (laughs)”

CV: (laughs) “Yeah sometimes I wish I was as brilliant as I thought I was.”

JR: "Yeah when you’re walking away , 10 mins later you’re like ahhh all the good thoughts  rain in, but there’s things that you’re saying have to happen in the moment, so here’s my question, anytime you have to say no  that would help, and this is something that just got me thinking as I was reading through the book , I was reading all this different pieces from ways you can adjust you know yourself, ways you can better understand the person you’re communicating with , there’s so many golden nuggets and great tips on this pages."

CV: “Thank you

JR: "I hope you don’t mind me bragging about how awesome the book is , really is.."

CV: No, no, go on go on

JR: “Stop, stop go go . It was interesting, one thing that sit on my head and I love your insight what if you’re trying to nudge the person higher, so and I was trying to figure out which technique might work in that case where let’s say, someone tries to bid us down so we say “ oh that product or that service  let’s just use round numbers is $10,000 and they say the best I can do is five, so would you start on that same price ? So how am I supposed to do that?”

CV: "Yeah, how am I supposed to do that? You know there’s three or four different ways to approach that , you know another thing you could say to somebody is you know one of the skills we took to hostage negotiations we use this as probably the most powerful one is this tool we call the label , you know hostage negotiations was called the motion labels so the other thing I might wanna say to someone is it “You know it sounds like the values is not there for you.” Now that’s actually a specifically designed price and it’s not what some people are taught to say where they go like “what I’m hearing is” because if I say to you it sounds like or seems like or it looks like, the design of that is actually it hits the portion of your brain that causes you to make an internal inquiry where the prefrontal cortex or the CEO of your brain sort of checks with the rest of the brain and says, “hmmmm”.  It causes you to contemplate this in a very specific way, creates this interaction in the different components of your brain where you think about it you actually react in a way that I know in advance you’re going to react to and then you come back with an answer that’s much more than yes or no because no negotiation is the proper answer is never a yes or no, it’s no and or yes and and you need everything else that comes back in the and.”

JR: “That’s right.”

CV: "Most people, thank you very much, most people when they say the price is the problem, it’s not really the money, it’s what they’re getting for the money and they will give you all the money that you needed, if they’re getting what they needed out of the deal.  So if they express to you because they don’t know any better the price is too high and it’s not the price but it’s the package you’re not gonna solve the problem by cutting the price.  You may actually make things worse. And you need to get when you say “It sounds like the value is not there for you.”  that immediately turns the conversation over the value and it makes him think alright, so what is the value here for me and it pivots now into something other than price wherein you find out how to fix the problem."

 

JR: “Ahh so all of a sudden they’ll open dialogue and ideally, they’ll start sharing with you and either go, oh no no no its not that, it’s not that. Which means they do see the value and there are some other reasons why they’re saying thisA and then you can figure out what the real reason is or they might go, you know, you’re right and I’m guessing a follow up might be we’ll what’s missing or what value  needs to be there to be that justified price for what we charge and at that point, either one way you’re gonna learn why they ‘re really saying no to that or two you’re gonna learn what else you need to add to deal with to get it to that price where they easily go that’s totally worth it, let’s do it.

 

CV: "Right, right right exactly and you know there are entrepreneurs , business person’s dilemma , the sales person’s dilemma is everybody’s first move is to cut the price and everybody also knows that it’s probably not price that’s the problem you know the hard part is how do you pivot away from price and get right into what exactly is the problem and so one of the ways is …first way is, of course, say, “how am I supposed to do that ?” Which Is really really a nice way to straight reject what they said and make them rethink it. But the flip side, “You know it sounds like the value is just not there to you.” Then immediately takes you into areas that would probably gonna solve the problem, actually much more quickly. Also, this is what we could like to say delay or save time. This is a great time saver to hack into forwarding the negotiations.

JR: “Okay, so how am I supposed to do that? And then sounds like the value isn’t there for you.”

CV: “Right.”

 

JR: “And what’s interesting twice that you’ve done that I’ve been noticing for people because I just read the book I know what to look for or at least some of the things , is you did two things that I think were important you pointed out in the book. One: Slow down! So often I know this myself, our heart rate gets going, we get excited we get nervous palms, we start seeing the finish line and so we start talking really fast and getting excited, oh totally, we can do that for you and according to the book that’s  not helping.”

CV: “No, first thing is because one is such time pressure we think we got to speed up in order to solve it and the exact opposite is true.  I had a judge in front of the trial in New York and had this great phrase, we’re gonna delay things in order to save time. You know so you actually get into the negotiation process faster because you get off the gerbil wheel, you know people go faster but they’re on the gerbil wheel with repetitive conversations and they don’t understand that if they slow down they get fewer conversations and in it entirety save a lot of time. So slowing down actually does accelerate the process you make fewer mistakes to don’t renegotiate you don’t have as many misunderstandings and you know misunderstandings or false agreements, which are really gerbil wheel of business as well as eats up our time, so it’s understanding actually have move much more quickly by taking a more deliberative approach and having fewer conversations.”

JR: “Very nice and then the other thing is watching the physiology and tonality of what’s goin on and then one thing you said that’s interesting, a lot of business today is done over the phone of each other or via email which email is probably the fastest way of being misunderstood because they’re reading in their own voice, hearing their own inflection of what they think you’re saying versus actually hearing you.  And you pointed out the value of actually being able to see the person and be next to the person something you know I think I’ve talked about from time to time with everyone who’s watching and listening which is the concept of being able to see the congruence or incongruence within the other person and have value that can be to the actual process of negotiation and communicating.”

CV: “Right, right and the incongruence is a lot of, there are numbers that are thrown out you know people talk a popular ratio of 7/38/55  and 7% are your communication is words. And you know people get caught up in whether or not those numbers are accurate and the issue is where do you use exactly a moment ago, it doesn’t matter what the ratio is what matters is whether things are incongruent you know when the tone of voice doesn’t line up with the words.  I don’t care if it’s 20/80  I don’t care if it’s 50/50, if my words and my tone don’t line up we have an issue here and you’re actually communicating issue to me, you know I got a colleague, extremely successful guy  got fired of lack of understanding of incongruence he’s talking to a billionaire investor in a company and the billionaire investor has got a bad idea and in discussing it on the phone, you know my friend, my colleague says “ o---k—ay” now he’s communicating real hesitancy with his tones, so his tones and his words  are not exactly lining up the billionaire investor hears the word “okay” and construes that as an agreement  and later accuses him of lying. So I don’t care what the ratios are, somebody, we desperately want to hear yes everybody is, it’s an addiction and so we wanna hear it so bad somebody says o---k—ay and it very easy and say YES woohoo …. You know there’s incongruence and o---k—ay means, look “I’ve got some real problems with this.” So it’s how do you hear it, how do you dig into it so you don’t end up in a train wreck or somebody losing their job or deal going bad.”

JR: “And speaking of which the interesting process I forget which chapter it was but you were talking about sometimes missing those clues and how important and valuable they can be and I one of the chapters you mentioned there were certain clues, there were hidden clues and I think this eludes to the name of your group and company  coz they are referred to I believe as The Black Swans of their conversation, cues that are visible or you can see like , o---k—ay, should have picked up on that one but then there’s hidden things  in every negotiation, little facts and details and information and things that you did uncover changes the whole picture and if I remember right this was one of the stories if you won’t mind sharing, the gentleman who the Black Swans were something he had said no one parlayed, or no one had shared which landed up him stating that there was a certain time that he believe that he was going to leave this earth and no one heard that until afterwards and then it was like, holy smoke if we would have known that we knew he was already wanting to die - like and that was the Black Swan in that moment it was kinda hidden in the conversation or hidden from everyone knowing. So the value of purposely taking time to dig for the unknown what you said is expect the fact that there is unknown factors always.”

CV: “Yeah and not gonna be gold mines, these nuggets are no small things I mean they are pieces of information and that if you get the other to tell you would change everything.  And they’re always there because, it’s kinda of a two-step mind warp thing here, but were always hiding stuff in negotiations. There’s always stuff that we’re not revealing on the other side so what does that tell us.  That tells us first, stuff not revealing is important otherwise we’ll reveal it.  If we feel that they could gain all sorts of leverage on us we’d be vulnerable, then it also means we could trust them more but that we could make a better deal.  So by definition, if we got those the other side’s got them.  Now the hard part of wrap your mind around is, you know in the modern word of Donald Rumsfeld, “There are unknown unknowns.”  what happens when hidden cards on both side is begin to overlap it’s you know I’d like to imagine it’s like playing Texas Holdem what would, happen if instead of taking the cards on the table that everybody gets to use, you got to see the other guy’s cards and together you can make up your best hand, that’s what you’re trying for here.   But we’re scared to reveal this stuff. There are other reasons why being able to tell when somebody’s lying is not good enough because people only lie about stuff which they think is important and half of their Black Swans they don’t even know what’s important.  And I was here in town and leaving in Los Angeles when I get the chance to maybe talk to the Hollywood types so I’m coaching a woman filmmaker recently she’s gotta investor and wants to buy into this film and invested in so this person cannot just be in the film but can play both primary roles. I think this person probably saw The Social Network the movie about Facebook and there was an actor that played the Winklevoss twins, the guy played both parts so this investor wants that and the film maker’s telling me , that’s gonna double our budget I mean even if I wanted to  do that, the CGI, the cameras and everything else, it’s gonna be crazy, I can’t do it. “Alright so go back into the conversation and just open up the conversation and talk in the middle of conversation, the investor says “I wanna get this castle in France we can film in” .. oh what wait, woah… there’s a Black Swan, but nobody know if it’s there… or you know think based on the initial conversation, this person’s ego-driven and gonna destroy my budget and what they want. Well you know maybe they’re scared to let you know that they’ve got something to bring into the table. It’s gonna change everything, maybe they think you’re gonna take advantage of them if you got to know that so diving in, people always find crazy things by getting into the conversations.”

JR: “I’ll give you a specific example that happen to me that really truly represents this and it’s something I wasn’t thinking of which it happened both ways, where we had a group reach out and it was interesting cause the fee they offered to hire us to speak was really small significantly smaller than what we would normally accept or ask for and I think they knew what our numbers were and just completely underbid it and I was like wow… but it also sparked my curiosity of why in the world would they offer that? Like that’s really small and I was scratching my head and I was like I call them and okay, what’s going on? We want to fly you to New York we want you to do an initial recording of your training and we’re gonna record it here in our studio, we’ll edit it, we’ll put it together and then we’re gonna do a digital broadcast out to probably 500 companies and as long as it’s liked we’ll do it like to another 10,000 companies and you know part of the training and we offer a couple of thousand dollars afterward.  I was like, wow, we charged significantly higher than that and to do training for that many companies like we’re losing a lot of revenues by giving it all away to these companies and that was my initial thought, and I went to my Dad and I talked to him about it cause he’s been in this business for years , we’re talking back and forth so what are your thoughts? And he said, wait a minute, you never asked what is the important question and I said what? And he said, what companies are these going to? I don’t know… so I went back and asked and they said, L’oreal, Goldman Sachs, Price Water Cooper House, the biggest companies on earth and how long did it take them to build that relationship and they said they’ve been doing training with these companies for over  40 years.  And he said how long will it take you to build that kind of relationship with these companies that they’re willing to put you directly inside these companies with your best stuff on showcase, how long will it take you to get into the door of all those places, and he said how many if it goes well? I said 10,000, he said buddy I don’t think you could pay for that kind of advertisement and I started laughing.  And so the Black Swan was something I just didn’t even asked in that case who was going to because that was invaluable of like, Wow I didn’t realize that because it didn’t seem important to me at that time.  My thought was I was losing revenue because they’re giving away our training to all these companies and in reverse it was actually helping us open a relationship with lots of companies that we had zero contact with before that and so this thought process of being able to dig around even if the information is sometimes at hand to you cause they handed that to me I just didn’t know what to do with it because that wasn’t very seasoned at that time and that field I went oh this is what to ask about that or this is how to do it and I think sometimes in looking for that Black Swan like you said something in the book were you always negotiate in teams. Which is having someone else to give you another perspective on what’s going on in case you can’t see it yourself, which in that case I couldn’t see what’s going on cause I don’t know what to look for.  But luckily I have someone more seasoned from the team who knew what to look for and always on BINGO, there was the gold that we didn’t realize was sitting there the whole time.”

CV: “We’ll here’s what else I really like about you telling me the story because you didn’t take yourself hostage in any way along the way. I mean, you’re curious your willing to find out, I mean of course your initial reaction was oh God you know that’s too low, I’m not gonna talk to these people or if I talk to them I’m vulnerable. I mean you still dig it in and one of the things we teach on a regular basis is you know don’t take yourself hostage by not willing to continue to talk or you know if they can’t make you say yes then you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to anybody regardless of what your perception is about the process and so you know you didn’t take yourself hostage anywhere along the line there as you pursue which I think is really cool about the way that you handle that.”

JR: “Well that you, I think there’s something else I learned in the book that was really important too which was the example you said when you were teaching a class and you said okay, you give student A $10, and you tell them to make a deal with student B and you said GO, you both have to agree on it and you have to get the most you can out of this deal and you let them negotiate with each other and you were saying the different options of what happens there and so often, up here in our head, we start fighting for fair versus the reality."

CV: “Ahh the F word”

JR: "Yeah  the F word, and that becomes a dangerous word because that’s an emotional pull in reaction into a situation and we lose our logical ability to understand what’s actually unfolding cause I think if I remember right you have people come back and say 5 and 5 or 6 and 4 and then people get pissed because it’s not fair and say, no I’m not accepting 4 you get 6, no I’m not accepting 5 even though it’s split , I want more than that, and you get these emotional reactions and I think one thing that’s interestingly you pointed out is that the deal that everyone should make is not $9 and $1 because in reality that’s the best deal the person with 10 bucks can get unless he keeps it all or she keeps it all. But then that fairness, that F word that sneaks in there gets people, would you mind sharing a bit about that?”

CV:  “Yeah you know once we start looking for it and I say we because I’ve got a team that I work with and I’ve got people that I’ve worked with that really contributed to the ideas.  My son Brandon is probably an uncredited co-author of the book, he’s been so involved in helping develop the book since I left the FBI.  So when we first, like fair man try and pick a negotiation that the word fair doesn’t come up. Probably impossible to have a conversation and it’s used both by the very manipulative types because they know how effective it is and is also use when people getting defensive and so that’s why we call it the F-bomb, because you throw the word fair out there like I just want what’s fair. And you’ve immediately accused you of being unfair and it would move them when it shouldn’t move, would have make them question themselves when they probably shouldn’t question themselves or they’d walk away from the deal they would have otherwise make them better off cause they didn’t think it was fair.  And plenty of people I’m not getting what I’m worth here when take away the other side’s compensation and they would have thought it was a great deal. We tried to get into, I did some training for the  National Hostage Negotiation team and then the training was over the relationship with the general contractor that brought us in fell apart we tried to get back in. There’s theoretically an $8 Million dollar contract potentially. I’m talking to a guy trying to get the introduction and he said “What’s my finder’s fee ?  If I make this introduction I make this deal, and I said you know finder’s fee 10% is fair and I hadn’t really thought about it and said $800,000 would change my family’s life and I thought for myself at that moment he’s gonna make an introduction, maybe we’ll go to dinner if it works out he gets $800,000 for that dinner.  That’s not fair (laughs) and we initially turned down that deal and afterwards I was thinking like that’s left over here was lots of money, you know how, what do I care how much he gets as long I get my end and I almost walk away from that from trying to make that deal we went back and said look, you got it , you get us this deal you got it.  It ends up not working out but I taken myself hostage over this fairness thing and it’s everywhere, I mean I can change compensation on any deal  I know it’s fair or unfair it’s gonna change every body’s perspective which is the most, almost insidious how often it comes up how much people change their minds.”

JR: “It’s wild, I had that happen to me where I did a year of contract training with a company and then a few years later someone else who’s also on a training team got paid a radically different amount and all of a sudden a year of contract that seem one of my favorite things I did that year turned into something I was pissed about because I found out that was unfair how we were compensated.  It’s wild how that emotion messes with you, so here’s a big question, how do people go about staying out of the F-bomb, the fairness thought process around this?”

CV:  “Well that’s one of the hardest things to do and a little bit of thinking through this is advanced and inoculating yourself. And also understanding how sometimes people can mess around with you, “ Like it wasn’t fair, you know your share that wasn’t fair that they got…”. The classic question I’d like to ask people is if you were taught how to expand the size of a pie, would you take a smaller portion? And most people were like no..no, I’m gonna expand the pie and I’m gonna take the less result?  The great example I’d like to use a lot of times is the last lockout…the players they put all these money on the owner’s pocket and they got the smaller percentage of the pie, that wasn’t fair, well they are doin’ pretty damn good as a result.

JR: “That’s a 100 million dollar contract in a bad small slice of the pie.”

CV: "Yeah, they are making much more money and you know my book is another example , you know I pulled a team together to bring together this book my co-writer Tahl Raz the people I collaborated with they did a very great job and I ended up with the smaller portion of the total pie from the book proceeds but my smaller portion is significantly larger than a lot of other authors 100% of the pie. So I expanded the pie enough so that my percentage is more take home dollars for me and it’s a much better product as well so it’s a hard thing to do but again it’s not about taking yourself as a hostage.”

JR: "Smart, and I think what you just said there is brilliant especially for small business owners the concept of if you can expand it enough if you can strengthen the quality of your product or service if you can strengthen the reach the amount of people you’re gonna get to. If you can add something by splitting it with someone gonna add so much value to what you’re doing that everything expands even your piece, is still worth more as a whole than if you would have kept the whole thing yourself and not expand it and not better the product and not better the service. I think that’s really important for people especially towards the beginning because we have this very weird mindset of like oh my gosh if I split half I’m left with barely anything.  Instead of thinking if I split half and we make it this much better that’s better than I would have done on my own.  That little distinction is really important for all entrepreneurs, but especially the beginning stages.”

CV: “Yeah and a lot of reasons  we got concerned about those pieces we’re scared to control there’s another issue of speed, how fast will you get things done   suddenly were working by committee, there’s a phrase I heard not too long ago, you wanna go fast go alone, if you wanna go far go as a group, yeah you go fast but you don’t go far and you go far with the team.  Teamwork seems inefficient in short-term but in the long-term, you get wealthy as a team, right?”

JR: I like that, I like that, so a couple of questions, thank you for spending your time with us, and a couple of questions, if people want o go and grab a copy of this book, where do they go? Where is the best place? Is it amazon or do you have a site?

CV: Amazon, you know it gives you the best price I gotta admit, you know I buy a lot of stuff on Amazon and I even get my best price if I buy copies of the book when I’m buying form amazon.”

JR: “Same here, so go to amazon, look up Chris Voss , Never Split the Difference” and if you’re watching the video is that yellow and red book sitting on  right behind him on 2 different languages up there , if you’re listening, it’s a yellow on top and red at the bottom book just so you know you got the right one and then also for people who own a company or people who might be making a major negotiation on their life or business how do they get hold of you and your group and team to maybe help them out if they want to hire you guys for a service of bring you in for a training for their team ,where will they go for that?”

CV:  “The simplest way is we got a weekly negotiation newsletter, and for people that are in the United States if you send a text number to 22828 and the text is THATS RIGHT  - T-H-A-T-S-R-I-G-H-T. No apostrophe, no spaces as if it’s all one word. That’ll give you the opportunity to sign up for the newsletter quick and easy comes out once a week and also we got a lot of training resources newsletter’s free that keeps you up on our different training events we’re gonna be in Los Angeles to a couple of days for a one day training event that’ll keep you to a lot of information about us, that’s the simplest quickest way is send that text THATSRIGHT no punctuation no spaces to 22828 .  If you’re not in the US, the website is www.blackswanltd.com and you get a lot of same resources there.”

JR: “Very cool so either they send that text or go to www.blackswantld.com if you’re listening to this look into show notes, if you’re on our blog, look below this video if you’re on Facebook or YouTube look below to see the link to take you right on over there and also the information about texting and thank you thank you thank you.  I guess the last question I’d leave is I’m always curious, I just on a personal note what’s the message that you most want to leave with everyone who’s gonna watch this everyone who’s gonna listen, everyone who’s gonna tune in, what’s that core message that you really wanna ripple out that you hope they really get after watching all these and connecting with you here?”

CV:  “Great negotiations is about great long-term relationship, it’s not about I win you lose, If you and I win and you lose guy , that’s lose long term strategy. You know we don’t beat other people in all our deals.  We beat the problem, we beat the situation.  You negotiate with me I’m not negotiating to your expense , I wanna make a great deal with you and wish everybody had that attitude you know we win together , we win by collaborating and it’s not something we gotta hurt the other guy we gotta beat him. So great negotiations is great collaboration and it gives you a better life.”

JR: “I like that, well again sir, thank you thank you for joining us here , thank you everyone for tuning in and checking out another episode, we’ll see you next week for another episode of JRCtv.  Remember if you wanna grab a copy of Chris’ book you wanna go to amazon look up “Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss” also you can visit blackswanltd.com for bringing them out to your business to do some training on negotiation or some training or just for more information on learning from their newsletter make sure to visit there and check that out, and Chris Thank you one more time for joining us.”

CV: My pleasure, I’m really honored to be on your show.

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How to Fail Your Way to Success

April 25, 2017

Download the worksheet that goes along with today episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/how-to-fail-your-way-to-success/

 

 

Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCtv, this week we’re talking about how to fail your way to success. 

 

Now when talking about failure there’s three things that will teach you some of the most important lessons in life.  A hungry stomach, an empty wallet, and a broken heart.  Now I know that’s very motivating and exciting to start this week’s episode with but there’s truth in that.  If you’ve ever had a moment, I remember you know one time when I was in college I came home to my apartment and I checked the mail and I have a bunch of bills and I checked the bank account and there was a lot more bills than money in the bank account. 

 

And I remember being like “Oh no!” and it wasn’t like a little bit off, it was like $50 compared to $2,000 off.  It was like “oh” and there was no feasible income coming in the range these bills were due.  Now I remember literally like having my stomach turn upside down, butterflies in my chest being like, “Oh shoot”, I really messed this one up this month. 

 

And you know that will teach you a lesson like anything else, it’ll teach you how to prepare for the future.  It’ll teach you how to organize yourself, it’ll teach you how to really make sure you don’t do that again hopefully, not everyone learns a lesson the first time. Not only that, I remember there are times in my life where you know I hate to bring these memories up but I’m, sure you’ve had your time to where you had a heartbreak. 

 

You know I remember in high school crying myself to sleep and waking up still feeling sad because I broke up with a girlfriend at that time and it was pretty heartbreaking and sad at that time but I remember learning from that experience.  I’m trying to figure out you know, what happened, what did I really learned in that process?  How can I grow from this?  How can I improve the next time around and make sure it doesn’t hurt as bad that time or a way to make sure I am better prepared from what might occur. 

 

So there’s questions you can ask that can prepare you and we’re gonna put some of those in today’s download we wanna make sure you grab them and then finally, you know… a hungry stomach I know I’ve had days and times and luckily thank goodness, knock on wood I grew up in a very privileged position where both of my parents worked extremely hard in different ways and make sure that I never had nights where I’d go to bed hungry but I know all around the world there’s places where people do have that and then those nights where there are no food.

I remember one of my closest friends in San Diego he told me “You know some of the biggest lessons I learned is when I was 13 years old walking around town, dude a dollar would have changed my life on that day.” 

and I said, “What do you mean?”

he’s like, “I just want a burrito and I’m pretty sure I could get one in a store for a dollar and I just didn’t have a dollar”

and I said, “ What did you learn from it?”

and he said “ You know, I learned I had to be hungry in life”  (laughs)

and I said, “ No what does that really mean to you? “

and he said, “ I learned to be hungry enough, to work hard enough to never have a day in my life again that I’ll ever have to have that feeling in my stomach ever again and hopefully work hard enough that no one that I care about will have to have that feeling either.”

And I was like “Wow!”

 

So what’s interesting about this is looking at this moment of “failure” when things don’t work out, when things fall apart, when things aren’t going the way you want, there’s one key consistent element in all these stories that allow it to serve you instead of break you.  And the one key element is something that an author of the book called, MINDSET, her name is Carol Dweck, she’s a researcher and she found out, there’s something called a “growth mindset”. 

 

Now in today’s download, we’re gonna give you a bunch of key factors that a growth mindset has with.  We’ve talked about this before if you wanna hear a whole episode of this just Google “growth mindset Jairek Robbins and I’m sure other JRCTV episodes will pop up that we talked about it then and a growth mindset one factor that it believes is  “failure is part of the process”.

 

Failure in your relationship is part of the process.  Having times when it breaks down and it’s not what you imagined it would be is part of the process, you know having times in business where you go out and you give your best effort and didn’t work out, part of the process, you know having times in your health where you worked really hard and you don’t get the result you really want or you hurt yourself, ouch…failure… part of the process. 

 

And so what’s interesting is part of the process allow you to stay centered, to stay strong, and stay grounded when it happened and go… part of the process.  But you can’t just go part of the process and keep doing the same thing and keep having the same failure over and over again, that’s a definition of insanity.  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result meaning if every time you go about doing it you always fail you need a new strategy. 

 

And so this is interesting because failure is part of the process but not failing at the same thing over and over again.  I remember I met a lady a long time ago, and she told me “Listen, sometimes when you run into a brick wall in life there’s usually three signals that life tries to send you before you actually have everything fall apart, the first that life send you is whisper, a little hint, a little soft intuition feeling that says hey you might need to update your strategy” and most people go… “ ahhh whatever “ and keep going.

'

And eventually life takes a brick, and it just throws it at you and it says, “Hey! Update your strategy”  and you’re like "Awww, it kinda hurt I bet if I just keep going I bet it’ll work”  and some people keep letting it happen long enough that it burns everything down in your life.  What does that look like, your marriage falls apart, your business goes bankrupt, you go to the doctor and he says “Hey, you have so many days, weeks, or months to live.”  That’s life going “Hey! Attention! You need to update your strategy.”

 

That’s the extreme example.  I always tell people, listen to the whispers of destiny because they’re really really useful if you hear them.  And the key with this that you want to remember in listening for the whispers of destiny you wanna teach yourself to listen to your intuition.

 

Our friend Gabby Bernstein she’s been a guest in JRCtv she talks about listening to your inner guide and how to de-clutter your mind and emotions and the spiritual side of yourself to become more in tune with your intuition it’s a beautiful book she’d written on that process. 

 

So, with that in mind what you wanna do is you wanna be really in tune with your gut so that you hear the whispers when life throws them in your way and you can allow them to guide you through the process of when you need to update your strategy and when you need to stay persistent, the key here is though throughout the process whether it’s staying consistent and persistent or it’s updating the strategy, either way, there’s one truth to be told and one truth to be told is you need a growth mindset if you’re gonna claim that victory in the end.

 

So I highly recommend that go grab a copy of Carol Dweck’s, Mindset and I highly recommend to download the worksheet today the reason I point down is hopefully it’s on the blog here.  Download today’s worksheet and you wanna answer a handful of questions on there to help you figure out if you have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset as well we give you a link to a website to Carol Dweck created on how to shift your mindset from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset if you happened to be caught up in the fixed mindset.

 

Have fun with this, go apply it, share it with other people you know we have a philosophy of learn what it takes, live it and apply it yourself, and give it, pay it forward so make sure to pay this forward to friends and family who you believe that could benefit.  Have fun with this and I look forward to next week for another episode of JRCtv. Bye.

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Create a Deeper More Meaningful Relationship

April 18, 2017

Grab the worksheet that goes along with this week's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/create-a-deeper-more-meaningful-relationship/

 

Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCTV.

 

Yes we are still in beautiful Vail, Colorado as you can see the beautiful, epic scenery behind us.  Today we’re talking about something that can literally be a making point or breaking point of any relationship you’re in. 

 

We’re gonna focus on intimate relationships because it’s important but you can use this concept for a business relationship, friendship, or you know just an acquaintance, or you can use it for even getting to know your kids or family better and someway shape or form and what we’re talking about is the ability to be deeply and profoundly curious about the person that you’re in a relationship with.  What does that mean? 

 

Well, what it means is you wanna get to know what is their blueprint, meaning their thoughts, their beliefs, their values, the organizing principle and pillars by which they live their life.  Here’s what’s wild, most of us are not really that aware consciously of our own belief system, our own organizing foundational principles, and pillars.  How do I know that? Because if I were to say what’s most important do you have in life? 

 

You might say?  “Okay, okay now you might come to that, what else is most important to you in life? Now if you are to take the one or two, here’s my question, when did you consciously decide that and what point in your life did you sit down and say, okay here’s all my options and everything I could value. 

 

I could value love, I could value spirituality, I could value God, I could value giving, I could value being successful, I could value being a good person, I could value making a difference, being strong, being powerful, I could value all kind of stuff, I’m going to choose this one.  When did you do that last?

 

Now for some of you, you might have done it but for most of you, I’m gonna say you never consciously made the decision.  You’re living by default.  Meaning you’re community, your friends, your family, where you grew up, who you hang up with, where you worked, a mentor, someone you look up to, told you something and you were “Oh yeah, that’s right”  and now you’re just living by default instead of by choice.

 

So right now what I want you  to do is first, download today’s worksheet we’re giving you a handful of questions on the majors of life something we talked about in our book ‘Live It! Achieve Success by Living with Purpose’, in chapter two and three we talked about the majors of life , health, emotions, relationships, spirituality, business, finances, your time management,  relationships, community, the major elements of life and in this worksheet today that we’re gonna give you on the blog jairekrobbins.com/blog,check out this blog, download the worksheet when you get it  it’s gonna have a couple of questions in each section not all of them but a couple to help you get a head start and it’s gonna help you to find what you really believe and what you really value in each of this major categories on life. 

 

Now I want you to start by first answering the questions yourself and then I want you to go to someone you care about, your significant other, your spouse, your kids, your family, your friends, your co-workers maybe even your business partner or associates possibly a client, someone you wanna get to know better and I want you to have them answer the questions as well. 

 

Then after they answer and after you answer the questions separately share them with each other I want you to become curious about what they believe that’s number step 1.  So step 1 is defining yourself.  Step 2 share with each other and then here’s step 3, I want to have you dig deep into why they believe that and I want you to help define when did they start believing that.

 

This will help you create a tighter bond with each other and so the very first step is to say, what do you value in health? And then they tell you and then you say why do you value that and let them explain and say, what moment of your life, what events, what situations? What significant emotional experiences caused you to believe that? 

 

And what will happen is you’ll start to get to know this person at a whole different level of depth because you’ll start to understand why they’ve chosen to believe certain core elements of their life certain core foundational beliefs of who they are you’ll start to learn why they’ve chosen that and what happened in their life that caused them to believe that or caused them to choose that. 

 

This is really important, it’ll create depth and connection in a whole new level for you both.  Now the reason it can make or break a relationship that’s how to make a relationship better, how can this break a relationship? Really simple if you don’t know why someone believes things they believe and you don’t know what caused them to believe that and you don’t know how they came to that conclusion and how long they’ve thought it? 

 

Could you imagine when butt heads on a concept and you have no empathy, or caring or understanding of how they came to that conclusion and you think just their wrong and they think you’re wrong this is where relationships, you butt head and things get hairy and falls apart. 

 

So instead take time to do this in advance, get to know them cause here’s what’s wild. We fall in love and get excited we think and assume that they believe what we believe and they value what we value and we’re just the same, it’s not true. As much as we wanna believe it, its drugs in your head, oxytocin is kicking in, dopamine is kicking in, you’re all excited and you start to assume stuff. Don’t assume, ask! Get to know them and get to know them with depth not just surface not just say, why do you believe that?

 

Okay good, but why do you believe that and what caused you what experiences happened in your life, health, emotions,  business, family, what moments occurred that caused you to form that belief , that experience … now you have more depth connection and empathy with that person. 

 

So have fun with today’s worksheet, download it, follow the steps:  first, figure out yourself, second have them do it, third share with each other fourth, ask them why or how did you come on that belief then dig deep and figure out what moment caused them to believe that and have fun getting to know each other at a whole different level. 

 

Have fun with this and I’ll see you next week for another episode of JRCTv.

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How to Stop Fear in its Tracks

April 11, 2017

Download the worksheet that goes with today's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/how-to-stop-fear-in-its-tracks/

 

Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCTV. 

 

As you can see we’re in beautiful Vail, Colorado check out that scenery back there pretty fantastic.  Today we’re talking about something that I learned when I was really little trying to learn how to snowboard.  I have an amazing father who believes the best way to break though fear is to feel the fear and do it anyways

 

And so when I was little kid I’ll tell you a quick story to set this off.  When I was little kid I remember going up to the top of the mountain with my dad cause his philosophy was the best way to teach your child how to turn on a snowboard is to take them to the steepest part of the mountain because you have to turn otherwise you roll down the hill. 

 

Let’s just say I rolled down the hill a few times because I was afraid of turning and when that fear ended up my body at that moment of my life I was not good at what I’m about to teach you.  At that moment of my life I cried, I gave up, and dad and I ended up at some pretty bad shouting matches at top of the mountain about; “I’m gonna go down the hill.” “No, I’m not.”

 

So, it’s an interesting memories here on the slopes but it also taught me something that later in life. Now I’ve learn to be used as an incredible asset. It’s something I wanna share with you.  The concept when fear takes over in your body we can measure this nowadays and the best way to measure if you are in a fearful place is based on your breathing pattern. 

 

I’ll tell you number one breath pattern that tells you that are in fearful state,

  1. You’re not breathing.  If you catch yourself holding your breath and thinking about everything that might go right or wrong in the next 10 minutes in your freaking about it, you’re in a fearful state.  You’re body’s going in a fight or flight.

 

  1. Really rapidly breathing, you’re like (panting) if you’re freaking out like that you’re having a panic attack and it feels like that on your breath obviously that’s putting you into a fearful state or an erratic state which is not gonna help you focus or feel strong or confident in that moment. You know there a few other patterns but those two are the main ones, if you’re holding your breath or if your breath pattern is out of control. 

 

 

Now, when that happens, you’re body’s going to fight or flight or a light level of shock and as that’s happening there are few things that are going on into your physical body.  Your muscles tighten; your body starts to break down fuel faster so you have energy, that you can propel yourself to either fight like heck or run like heck, it’s fight or flight

 

For men, we lose our peripheral vision, meaning we start to have tunnel vision and everything out here disappears so that we can laser focus on what we either you attack or run from.  Now the other thing that happens is our eyes really focus, they get really it’s not that it, but they start to focus really strongly so we can clearly see where we need to go or where we need to run from. 

 

And so it is wild on this concept is we lose our ability to use our executive functioning part of our brain which is the logical, decision-making part of our brain.  So, here’s what I’m gonna tell you to do, whenever you get in to a fearful state, I wish someone would have taught me this crying and sitting on my butt on top of the mountain back in the days, but I gotta tell you now so you can save yourself from the pain, the frustration, and those moments I’ve been through.

 

Whenever you feel yourself getting in to fearful state your breath patterns becomes erratic and then you start holding your breath and get really intense, all of a sudden you seem to not being able to think clearly and you’re kinda lost, your scattered in those moments is a signal that the very first thing you need to do is STOP.

 

STOP! Take a step back and literally assess the situation and by assessing the situation what you wanna do is you wanna train your brain to ask three questions:

 

Is this a normal problem?

Is this an abnormal problem?

Is this literally a life-threatening problem right now.

 

Now the reason why you wanna ask those three questions is because why on the world would you freak out on a normal problem? If it’s normal. If it’s meant to happen there’s no reason to freak out there’s no reason to have fear, there’s no reason to be upset. You know when I was a little kid I would have known this, I was like “hey falling down when trying to learn how to snow board is a normal problem.” Why would I freak out?

 

You know, if it’s abnormal meaning you’ve been snowboarding for 15 years and you still can’t figure out how to turn, that is an abnormal problem.  And if you’re trying to use that technique while back country snowboarding that is a life threatening problem. So I don’t have a life-threatening problem we were a normal blues greens and black runs so that was not life threatening. 

 

Number two, was it abnormal? No it was perfectly normal so there’s absolutely zero reason to freak out in that case if it’s a normal problem the next step is to reset your nervous system because when you’re in fight or flight you cannot logically think well enough to actually get through the challenge. 

 

So what do you have to do? Number one, you have to take 3 deep breaths that reset your nervous system, your central nervous system here, how you do that is really simple, do this with me… you’re gonna take a deep breath (inhale) and at the very top when you feel completely full you’re gonna do a little more (inhale) and then you’re gonna hold it for 3 seconds. 

 

So ready.. breathe in (inhale) one more (inhale) hold it (counting with fingers 1,2,3)and then all at once out into your mouth. And if you notice if you let it out you wanna drop your shoulders, drop your head and let out all the air at once. So let’s try it 3 in a row, real quick…

 

Ready, breath in (counting with fingers 1,2,3) a little bit more hold it (counting with fingers 1,2,3) all the way out… that’s one

 

One more time, (inhale counting with fingers 1,2,3) a little bit more hold it (counting with fingers 1,2,3) all the way out… that’s one

 

One more time, (inhale counting with fingers 1,2,3) a little bit more hold it (counting with fingers 1,2,3) all the way out… that’s one

 

Now it happens when you that if you’ve noticed a friend of mine who studied the breath work for three years taught me that he said it literally reset like pressing that reset button on an electronic device it resets your nervous system and allows you to get out of fight or flight and back to actual logical thinking that’s what we wanna get back to

 

Now that you’re in actual logical thought process you then wanna say “Okay, let me put together the next three moves in order to make progress, just as simple as that.”

So number one, step back and asses.. is this life normal, abnormal of life threatening?  If it’s normal no problem three deep breaths reset your nervous system and then say “Okay, what are the next three steps that have to happen now?” and then once you’ve figure out with the three things all you need to do immediately take action on number one and that simple little philosophy right there will help you take fear and instead of letting it push you and pull you around and leave you frozen in your tracks freaking out or crying like a little wuss on top of the mountain like I was that time of my life.

Instead, you can reset, re-calibrate organize your steps, lock on, take action and kick some butt.

 Have fun with this, use it and please pay it forward to other people who you know get stuck in a fearful state coz this is a real freedom you can give them and yourself by using this process. 

Also make sure to download today’s worksheet because it has the little formula typed up and a couple of questions that will help you identify normal, abnormal or life-threatening as well as what are the next three steps? 

 

You’re gonna have your form as a way to apply and get through it.  It also serves as a good back up option in case your brain gets hijacked when you’re in fight or flight and you can’t logically think through it, use the form… just follow the steps and boom it’ll get you right through it every time. 

 

Download today’s worksheet, have fun with it and I’ll see you next week for another episode of JRCTV.

 

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How to Apologize Like You Mean It

March 28, 2017

Download the worksheet that goes with today's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/how-to-apologize-like-you-mean-it/

 

Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCTV.

 

Today we are talking about those moments where you messed up and you know you did and you have to apologize.  We’re talking about how to apologize in a way it’ll actually be received really, well specifically in a relationship. One of the number one most important don’t ever do's is to say "I’m sorry your feelings are hurt" because in that moment if you did something and you need to apologize, when you say "I’m sorry your feelings are hurt", what you’re basically telling the other person is you’re not taking responsibility for whatever just happened, that hurt their feelings versus if you say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”.

 

In that moment instead of, "I’m sorry you’re hurt", it’s "I’m sorry I did something to hurt your feelings". In that moment you’re taking responsibility because the number 1 step for an apology is, you have to take responsibility for whatever just happened to help them in that moment understand that you are owning the fact that their feelings are hurt.

 

Now whenever I share this with people a lot of times they tell me something like, “but wait a minute, What if I didn’t do it? What if I didn’t hurt their feelings, what if they’re just being sensitive? What if it wasn’t my fault?”  Well here is the big question, would you rather both be happy or would you rather be right? Because this is a big factor that a lot of people mess up on, and they would say, “I would rather be right and factual”.

 

It’s like “well great, then you deal with someone being unhappy in your life, you deal with the pain, the frustrations, the anger, the upset that’s going to come from this and how many days, weeks, and months it’s going to last again and again and again if you don’t handle it now, versus if you want to handle it right now at this moment. You can literally cap it, let it go away and it’ll never repeat, it’ll never return, it’ll never poke it’s little head out three months from now and say “remember that one time when you did that?”.

 

It’ll be gone it’ll be released from their nervous system.  So if you want the ability to release it so it never comes back ... Number one is: You have to own it  – Step number one: "I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

 

Number two:  In that moment, you then have to dig deep and figure out what specifically hurt their feelings, you got to ask... “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but I’d love to know what happened, what did I do? And if they go “Oh, that ,you know what you did!” in that moment go “ No please, I think I missed it, otherwise I would know what to say, but I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but I’m not sure what did it.  I just to own the fact that I know I did it but what specifically did I do?” and help pinpoint the exact moment, the exact time, the exact word, the exact feeling, the exact look you gave him the exact thing you did or didn’t do that hurt their feelings.

 

And in that moment, again, just won it...don’t rebut, don’t try to say “but I didn’t mean that”  don’t argue it, don’t justify it, don’t do anything except for own it.  And say, "Sorry, wow, okay, I didn’t know that was it, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I said that or I did that specifically...will you forgive me?"  And in that moment, if they go “Yeah fine , whatever, you’re forgiven, okay, just leave me alone.” in that moment say “No, I genuinely I would like to own this and I only hope that you would take a moment to actually release and forgive me and if you’re willing that,I’d appreciate it.

 

And if it’s genuine, and you care, and it’s real in that moment you might allow them to finally release that little piece of anger, or frustration or hurt that hit them, and hopefully, if they can let it out and release it ...it’s gone! And you won’t ever have to do it again, but those are a couple of steps that might help when forgiving.

 

Now the other factor here is, remember you got to take ownership, you got to get specific and then you have to ask for forgiveness and make sure that it’s real and genuine.  The final moment is after they said yes after they release it say “Hey can we wrap up real quick?  For just one thing, I’d love to personally be able to share with you five things I love and appreciate about you, and if you’d be open too, I’d love to know maybe five things you love and appreciate about me.",  and end with five things that you love and appreciate about them and them sharing with you as well.

 

And what happens is, in the moment you own the fact that their feelings are hurt , you find out what specifically that caused it and own that as well, you ask for forgiveness, and then you reconnect and rekindle the love and connection, and intimacy if it’s your intimate partner back into that relationship.

 

Even if it’s a business partner, you figure out that you own the fact that you hurt their feelings, you upset them, you ask what specifically did it, you ask for forgiveness for that specifically and then reconnect and say “You know what, the five things I love about you, as my business partner, I love and appreciate this, this, this, this and this.”  and you rekindle that relationship and rebuild the bond.

 

So hopefully this is helpful.  Download today’s worksheet and there are little tips there for you, have some fun with this, go heal some relationship, go get rid of some anger, go help other people release that so that you can finally have the peace and freedom in their life  that they deserve.

 

Have fun with this and I hope to see you next week for another episode of JRCTV.  Until then, have an amazing week.

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How to Let Go of the Past

March 21, 2017

Download the worksheet that goes with this week's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/

 

Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCtv.

 

Today we are talking about the physical, mental, emotional jail that you can lock yourself in by holding a grudge, by holding on to anger, by holding on to anything that you dislike about a person.

 

Something they did in the past, something you thought they might have done a meaning you’ve associated that causing you to be upset, angry, frustrated, jealous, any of these negative emotions and what it’s causing is literally you right there in there to be in pain.

 

And what’s wild about this I’ve heard it said being angry at someone or holding a grudge against someone is the equivalent of drinking poison and hoping for them to die in the process.  It’s crazy and insane.

 

What’s wild about it is the whole concept of when you choose to let it go when you choose to release, to forgive, to finally et go of that anger, frustration, jealousy, upset, whatever it is that you’ve been holding on to.

 

The person that’s freed from the entire experience is you.  It’s not them, it’s not the person you were angry with or upset about.  And believe it or not, holding on to the anger, holding on to the frustration, the tension the jealousy, whatever it is that you’re holding on to they don’t feel any of that.

 

They don’t have the mess up the biochemistry of their body they don’t have their core to soul levels rise they don’t have their heart rate pick up speed, they don’t have their brain to kick in their fly or fight, they don’t have to deal with how you’re choosing to respond to your family, your co-workers, your partners, your friends your community your clients.

 

They’re the one not dealing with all the repercussion of this you are.

 

So I ask you, I beg of you…please make a decision by downloading today’s worksheet writing this up make a decision to first, identify the specific moment of thought of feeling or the specific person the situation, identify what it is that really, truly you’ve been holding on too so tight and ask yourself, why have I really hold on to this?

 

What are your reasons for choosing to hold on so tightly to this rope is burning to your hands causing all the pain in you?  Ask yourself what would happen if I chose to let go of this and free yourself.   From the rope that’s burning your hand from the thought that’s burning your mind, the emotions burning your heart. And ask yourself what freedom will this give you on the other side.

 

The freedom of not having to think about it ever again, the freedom of not having to feel it ever again, the freedom of not having to bring that emotional, mental, chemical cocktail in your body each day that is poisoning you inside out.

 

And finally, ask yourself why are you determined to let this go today.  Not another day, not another moment, not another hour you will not allow this any longer to play a role in tearing you down and make a commitment today and act to move forward.

 

So download today’s worksheet make sure to go through it make that decision and please send us a note and let us know that you’ve done it so we can hold you accountable to freedom within yourself from that which has jailed you , and poisoned you and hurt you for so long but not another day not another not another moment.

 

So please make a decision today to finally cut it off once and for all and choose freedom, choose love, choose joy, choose happiness, choose clarity of mind and choose to really have the  life that you desire on the surface not allowing other people to dictate how you’re feel each day based on soothing that happened a long time or short time ago.

 

So please download today’s worksheet take action, free yourself once and for all and I look forward to seeing you next week for another episode of JRCtv.

 

Until then have an amazing week.

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Why Oxytocin is Important!

March 14, 2017

Download the worksheet from today's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/why-oxytocin-is-important/

 

Hey there! Welcome back to another episode of JRCTV. Today we’re talking about the number one most important factor that can literally keep us alive as a small baby; that can reconnect us in the moments that we feel disconnected or slightly not together with the spouse.

 

It’s something that can calm us after travel or anytime that are let’s say cortisol or nerves or stress is high, can immediately bring that stress down and connect us back to the deepest, most connected part of ourselves.

 

What we’re talking about today is oxytocin or human touch. There’s something called failure to thrive syndrome, which is if you have a small baby and it is not connected to, it is not held within so long literally, it can actually die as an infant which is ridiculous and crazy. But it’s so true.

 

Not only is failure to thrive syndrome in a very small baby but it’s something that many times has been said when we travel, it spikes cortisol levels, which spikes chemical stress inside of our body, makes us tense, kicks us back into the fire flight mode as a human brain is concerned, which means we either attack the ones we love or we run away from a conversation moment.

 

And what’s wild and interesting in that is instead of fighting, instead of freaking out and running away from the distraction and craziness, what’s very interesting and what you can do immediately in that moment is after a long travel time, the first thing that you’re going to want to do is embrace another person.

 

Human touch, connect with them, hug them. Because in that moment, what starts to happen is literally you release massive amounts of oxytocin in your mind, your body, in your blood. And what it does is immediately lowers the cortisol levels and brings your stress down to allow you to reconnect with the logical part of your brain instead of getting caught up in the crazy fire flight moment.

 

So number 1, as babies we need that touch. Number 2, when we’re travelling a lot or when in high stress situations, you want lots of touch and connection to bring down those stress levels. And number 3, in a relationship – this is probably one of the most important ones that I found – is if in a moment you figure out that your partner, your spouse, your lover has a hidden moment where they’re tense, they’re caught off guard, their mind is going everywhere in all directions all at once, and you want to help ground them, to bring them back to this very moment and become present. One thing you can do is just reach out and touch them. And all of a sudden in that moment, you’re human touch, if you as a man reaching to a woman, will become the loudest thing in her world.

 

Meaning, we’re biologically made that when you reach out and touch another person, specifically a woman, what it will cause is her entire nervous system, her entire world, thoughts, emotions, feelings – everything going on – to immediately come to that one thing that’s touching her. The rest of the world will become silent, for just a moment about 30 seconds, for her to connect, figure out what is it that’s touching her, is it safe or not, and give it all her attention all at once in that very moment for about 30 seconds.

 

So gentleman, if you have something very important you want to share with the person you love, one thing you might want to do is first reach out and touch their hand, connect with them physically, and then share what it is that you’d like to share with them. Because in that sharing, they’ll now be able to hear it because everything else in their world will become silent so they can truly connect with what it is you want to share them with.

 

So 3 areas oxytocin is critical: number 1, failure to thrive in infant, holding your small ones. If you find the baby is stressed or tensed or crying, holding them, cuddling them, snuggling them allows that oxytocin to release, which allows them to reconnect and reground and feel comforted and loved and rebalance their stress.

 

Number 2, we talked about travel or high stressed situations, that’s including work, travel, adventure, anything we’re stressed and cortisol level spike up in that moment, connecting with another person, embracing them to allow their oxytocin to then come back into your system, to resettle you and connect you.

 

And finally, we talked about relationships, if you have something very important you want to share with your lover, first hold them. And in holding them and connecting with them, then share it so it becomes the loudest thing in that world in the moment.

 

I hope you use these tools and these thoughts in your life, in your business, in your health, in your relationships and really do some magic with them. If you want, grab a copy of this week’s download. We go over these 3 areas you can use it. We also give you a couple of other tips on a different hormone transmitter that can also show you how to get the maximum performance out of your mind, body and emotions.

 

So grab the download, have some fun with it, go use this. I look forward to seeing you next week for another episode of JRCTV.

 

 

Till then, have an amazing week. Bye.

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Two Words - Game Changer

February 28, 2017

What sounds better than creating a business and life you love?

Check out the full episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/two-words-game-changer/

 

Today we are doing a little throwback to a timeless interview that thousands of you have watched and loved!

 

If you have an idea you've wanted to turn into a business and need more clarity and direction as to how to get it off the ground, tune into today's JRCtv throwback with the one and only Marie Forleo!

 

Marie Forleo's b-school is a game-changer and is open for enrollment now through March 2nd. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE.

 

Marie is a trusted friend who puts her heart and soul into helping people turn their side hustle or passion project into a wildly successful business.

 

Tune in below and grab a notepad - so many golden nuggets coming your way!!  

 

To your success,

Jairek

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Turn Your Passion into Profit with Marie Forleo

February 21, 2017

Learn more about today's topic here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/turn-your-passion-into-profit-with-marie-forleo/

 

Jairek: Welcome back to another episode of JRCTV. We have a very special guest who is back. I think she’s our very first special guest who is on a second round of JRCTV. So thank you for holding the first place trophy for someone who gets that spot. We appreciate it! It is Ms. Marie Forleo. So thank you, thank you, thank you for joining us Marie.

 

Marie: It is my honor to be here with you guys. Hi everybody!

 

Jairek: And for everyone or anyone I should say who doesn’t quite know who she is, let me give her the proper JRCTV introduction. So this is where I’m going to read your bio and they’re going to know how amazingly cool you are. And then we’re going to tell them some cool, honest facts about you. So I will start. If I went over to her website and I said who is Marie Forleo, it would say that she’s an entrepreneur, a writer, a philanthropist, an unshaken optimist dedicated to helping you – yes you who’s watching this - become the person you want to be. Now some awesome accomplishments: she is the host of the award-winning show Marie TV. Not only that, world-class online training programs B-School and some special new additions to B-School that I’ve just heard about. I’m very excited for you to learn about in here. Not only that, she has a book written in 16 languages – holy mackerel! – around the world and audience in 195 countries. And the beautiful part about this is that she helps people like you watching dream big and back it up with meaningful actions and create results. So Marie, I realize that is the technical introduction.

 

Marie: yes.

 

Jairek: let’s tell them who you really are. So that is who you really are but in the grits, in the guts, you’re probably – and I hate to say this, because I have lots of cool friends – but you’re probably one of the coolest kids on the block in my opinion.

 

Marie: ahhh.. really? I’m also one of the biggest nerds. So thank you! I am a girl from Jersey. I love this world of not only the internet and digital business, but really helping people – and myself, by the way, because I consider myself a life-long learner – just finding the ideas, and the tools, and the strategies that can really help all us create a life that we really want to live. You know? And not everyone has the same definition for success. Some people want to build these huge, outrageous, successful companies. And some people, all they want to do is like their whole focus is their family. And some people it’s their art. Some people it’s their baking or their knitting or whatever. And I love all of those typical. I’m just always on the hunt for what are the strategies and the tools and ideas that can help people unlock that incredible gift they have inside of them, contribute and share with the world, and actually enjoy the process. So I make a lot of mistakes. I definitely do not have it all figured out. I’m always learning but I’m from jersey. And I’m a girl who likes to talk whenever I find something that works or that’s exciting or that I’m like “oh my goodness, this actually produces results”. I feel like I can’t hold it inside. I have to share it with other people. I have to give it away or get other people to give it a try as well. So I think that’s really the core of who I am. And you mentioned it in the bio Jairek. I’m an unshakable optimist. I swear no matter what happens or what’s going on around me, I feel like one of my gifts is that my brain is wired to go “Oh how can we make this work?” It’s like “Ok, what’s the silver lining on this?” And it’s not put on, it’s not you know something like I’m forcing myself. It’s just literally how I’m wired. So I figured well I think that’s an asset and if I can use that with some other people, why not.

 

Jairek: That’s awesome, I love that! Very very cool. It makes so much sense. Speaking of which, being that internal optimist and being someone who’s believed in what was possible, take us back and connect these two dots. Because we watch you and we’re friends and I watch you online go different places and what’s interesting is in this last year, I saw you cruising down the coast in Italy. Right now, living it up in California near the beach in this beautiful opportunity. And of this place you’re in right now, soaking up some sunshine when other people might be soaking up some snow right now.

 

Marie: That’s right.

 

Jairek: And what’s interesting is that this flexibility, this freedom that now exists, wasn’t always there. And I think it came from your vision. And I’d love for everyone to know just really quickly. Where did you start with that vision and what is it now and what are maybe one or two lessons along the way that they might be able to take if they’re just getting started. And they might be sitting in the kitchen table, scratching their head, being like “I hope this turns into something” but they don’t know.

 

Marie: Yeah. Actually. Great questions. So taking it back, all the way way back, you know when I first got out of school and I was on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange, you know I was really excited and grateful to have this steady job and it was a job with a lot of opportunity to start in the financial world. But I just remembered that feeling and I think many people experience this a lot where they may be doing something and they’re earning a living and they put food on the table but a little voice inside of them says “This isn’t what I’m meant to do. There’s something else for me out there. There’s other thing even if I can’t quite articulate it yet, it might not be perfectly clear, it’s just an inkling. But I know that the life I’m living now is not the life I’m meant to live”.  And I have that voice kind of perked up over and over again. And it finally got so loud that I actually wound up quitting my job, not knowing what my next step was. But just the pain was so great. I feel like I was dying a slow death day to day going back to the floor of the stock exchange. And I went on an odyssey. And little by little, Jairek, that vision started to come together. And I knew I wanted to somehow make a positive difference to others. I didn’t feel that I was necessarily doing that in my role on the stock exchange. Some other people may find that path but it wasn’t for me. I knew that I wanted to travel. I knew I wanted to engage with people more because I love humans. And so little by little I just started going on this kind of adventure to piece together what I was meant to do. And I’ll tell you, it wasn’t easy. It didn’t come together fast. It was painful and I had a lot of nights of doubt. There was a lot of crying. There’s a lot of feeling like a loser. There’s a lot of feeling like I was failing at life in every sense of the word. But still underneath all of it, there was this tiny voice that said “Keep going. Keep going”. And as the pieces started to come together, I started to kind of get my online business - just a baby version of it out there. And I was bartending, waiting tables at night, doing everything I could to keep a roof over my head while I figure out how to build my business during the day. Jairek, we’re taking this back, like I was doing this for 17 years. This is like the late 90s or early 2000s when having a business online was kind of brand new. You know, email marketing was unheard of. And pdf eBooks were like “what’s that? That’s like the newest thing ever!” So back in those days, I realize I really loved having the ability to be in a lot of different places. And I have this vision in my mind, this seed that was planted that said you know what, I want to build a business not where everyone comes to the office everyday in this kind of big glass building. And I was in Manhattan. And I looked at all those and I’ve been in one of those jobs. I worked in publishing. And I’ve been to Conde Nast in the middle of Times Square, we go to the same place every day. And something about that for me didn’t feel true. So that vision started to come to life and I said “I want to build a virtual company that makes a tremendous impact on people’s lives. A positive impact on people’s lives”. But that also roused me to live into this world as the fullest version of myself which is kind of a free-spirit. I don’t like being tied down. I like going all over the place. I like having the ability to be flexible and fluid. And then fast forward a few years, I met Josh, who we’re actually about to celebrate our 14th year anniversary.

 

Jairek: Congratulations!

 

Marie: Thank you. And he is an actor. When we met, he was acting. I remember there were times when he would say “hey I’m going to film in Louisiana, you should come with me and do all your work from there”. And at that time, I was still waiting tables. And even though I had my small coaching practice, I was also teaching fitness and teaching hip-hop and I was landlocked. So that really was an incentive, that was a reason for me – we’re talking about what are some of the lessons along the way. I have the vision of having a completely kind of flexible, fluid, location-free life. But it wasn’t honestly until I met him and our love was so great that I was like “I need to make this happen fast because I want to be with that man and we love each other. He keeps inviting me on all those wonderful things and I have to say no because I can’t go anywhere”. So I think one of the lessons is not only is it important to have the vision of what you want, but you really do need to back it up with some emotional whys. Some really powerful things that are important to you about why this needs to happen. And again you know, there might be someone who might say “Oh you shouldn’t be doing that for a man”. And I was like “it’s for love”. You know. I love him and he loves me and we’re still together today but it was a great motivator for me to make sure that my whole life worked synergistically. Not that I was building this business that would somehow conflict with my own personal desires to travel and to be able to be at different places. And also, there was something in me that just pushed against this idea of having the overhead of a traditional business. You know, my dad was a small business owner. And I remember being a little girl and going to the shop with him over the weekends. And there would be a big job and he’s on a deadline and we would all come together as a family to get that job done. Did you know what we had to do to make sure my dad could meet his deadline and take care of his customers. But I just remember overhearing talks of my parents on the rent of the building, and all those stuff, you know these messages stick with you when you were a kid. And so when I was building my business I said, You know, we are in this new age. Why not make it lean? Why not make it where, also I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who didn’t necessarily like getting up at the crack of dawn and putting on pantyhose and just an outfit that I didn’t want to wear to go to an office and like kind of sit there all day and then trudge home. It just felt like, I don’t know there must be a better way. So those were some of the lessons in the kind of trajectory of how I got from this idea of building a virtual company to then taking the steps to start to bring it to life.

 

Jairek: Interesting. So in those pieces, it’s really interesting because I agree with you tenfold. I had this weird feeling of watching stuff where family members own different types of companies and do different types of jobs. And I remember one time I’m hearing one of my family members optimizing their business and they found out they had a $10,000 a month light bill at one of their offices. I remember scratching my head, being like… at the moment I was still working and trying to make 10 grand a month, much less like the light bill! Holy moses! Like how in the world is that adding up? And I remember just having my nervous system freak out and then sitting down and looking around and being like wait a minute, I remember when I first started my overhead was the rent of a front den of a room which ain’t sexy at all, car payment, insurance, and food. I think it was like under 2 grand in a month. I was like comparing and contrasting and I was saying like if I had to do it in that old brick and mortar kind of way, it would take me year to dig out their initial loan and the debt and everything that you had to pile up just to have the opportunity to chase your own dream. And ever since before we started, like thanks to the internet. Nowadays, the risk is very low comparably. You don’t have to go take out $50,000 loan, to open your location, to build it up properly, to put up your sign, to hire your first employees and hope someone shows up. If you do it right, you can staff up for very little and have the ability to almost instantaneously deliver your service to the world at a high quality way. And make a ridiculously living in the process of it, which was pretty cool.

 

Marie: It’s unprecedented. I mean we’ve never had this opportunity as humans quite ever. And I just think it’s exciting and I think the flipside of it too is I think a lot of people, especially creatives and big-hearted creatives, care so much. I think the difference, and Jairek I don’t know if you agree with this you know when you and I started back in the day, there’s also much less kind of noise. You know and it was a little bit simpler. You know when I first got online there was no social media, right? This would not have happened, you and I, we couldn’t be doing video talk and chat and recording a show just on a laptop. It just wasn’t quite there yet. So I think the enormous opportunity is there, but I also think one of the kind of new challenges is that people are feeling overwhelmed. It’s like my goodness now I have so many choices, what do I do?

 

Jairek: It’s true. Now I’ll get a little granular for our specific core audience which tends to be coaches. And it’s really interesting because right now I’m friends with a handful of people who do awesome marketing. And what’s really interesting is a lot of them have targeted and reached out to specific coaches. And they’re targeting them with these programs. The thing that I’ve learned the most though, and what I give huge props to you for, is a lot of them will throw stuff at people and say basically buy the program, I’ll send you the box and good luck. And it puts them in a position where, like you said, big-hearted individuals who are in a helping profession who want to help make a difference in the world get this giant box of awesomeness, they flip it open, and they don’t know where to start. They don’t know how to begin. They don’t know where to apply it. They don’t know what steps to take first. And it turns into an awesome form of shelf help, which is another thing on the shelf they’ll never use. Hate to say it, but it’s true. Helps the shelf, makes it look good on the house, but it won’t do beans on their actual business. And for a while, I kept getting phone calls from people in that exact position, asking me like “Hey you’ve done it as a coach, can you teach me how to do it?” And I remember the first probably 3 or 4, I tried to teach how to do it and I just realized like “Hey for the amount of money you’re spending trying to hire me to teach you this stuff, it’s a bad investment in me because I’m expensive to trade that amount of money for that knowledge.” And I was like, you know what, and this is originally part of the way that I found you besides me taking the course myself, is I combed through the internet. And I said who is absolutely freaking legit beyond all that matter. Like who could really come through: they’ve done their stuff, they’ve done the work, they have proven examples, they’ve actually done it themselves, they walk talk eat sleep relive the message they’re bringing on the world really truly that we could go through their course even at a, you know, good momentum but not-crushing-it-yet-business and see our business grow, which it did so thank you for that. But also who do we trust our best friends and family with that if we can send them to somebody, it would be the best place to go and to be honest you’re the person we found. It took us a while and I’ve lots of other friends in this space who I know will go poke their head in and will learn what they black-hat-crazy marketing tactics. And I always leave the room being like “Can we get beaten up for doing that? I’m not quite sure”. Look I know these guys say it works but I’m pretty sure I might get punched if I try that. And then I always get back to you and I’m like “Hey”. I literally have sent my mom to come check out your program and go through it because she wanted to grow her business of how to sell leashes for dogs online that she makes by hand and I’m like “Hey go to Marie. I trust her, it’s a great investment. It is the perfect place to start.” And one of the most beautiful thing is every single step of the journey, you show them what to do. You help them do it. You have office hours set up to support them in the process. Like it’s an amazing thing. So mad props to you and sorry for the little spiel on the side there but I decided to tell people about that who are listening because I think it’s necessary or needed for them to understand that A. You’re the real deal, and B. You know, we send family and friends to you all the freaking time because it’s probably the best ROI they’re going to get as far as an investment in this specific topic. And also the best support they’re going to get in how to actually go through the process and not just get handed a box and told good luck.

 

Marie: Jairek, I really think you’re like going to make me cry. It’s a weep-for-heart-and-soul for those listening. Before you and I were recording, we were talking a little bit about what’s new. I was actually on a sat channel with our team and we’re proofing some things like we need updates to the program virtually every year! Like a year never goes by that we don’t not only take the feedback from our members but we take our learnings, what’s happening in our business, and what we’re seeing out in the landscape and go “Ok, where are the components of these school? Like these are timeless. Those need to stay. That punchy – that needs to go updated. This module, we need to reshoot this, let’s re-trigger that”. So that every single year, we’re giving our students and all of our grads who come   and retake it each year for free, the best of the best so that they’re revisiting and answering the fundamentals. And also they’re aware of what’s new and what’s valuable to pay attention to. But like you know you said something really important, Jairek. We don’t teach anything that is black hat. That’s not even where we go. And you know something else? I want to say this because one of the things we’ve done this year is, just in our own kind of marketing, we took uhm… you know B-Schools has been around since 2010. We have over 30,000 graduates from over 160 industries and 119 countries. So it’s impacted a diverse, broad range of creative entrepreneurs all around the world. And so we took all of our stories and we started streamlining everything. And one of the things people ask is you know there’s so much free information out there online on how to build a business, and one of my favorite testimonials is actually “You know what Marie told me? She said, you know, she told me that I can absolutely go out there and probably find, if I looked hard enough, every single ideas. Somewhere out there on the internet for free. But I don’t want to do that! I don’t want to spend my time going to sift and sort and figuring out who I can trust and who I can’t trust. Is that a clear instruction? Is that an outdated instruction? Marie put it together where it’s concise, it’s understandable. I have people I can talk with. I have people I can have conversations with. They can answer questions. And I know what I’m doing is going to work”. And that for me was a really important thing because we’re in this age, Jairek. And everyone on this show who’s listening right now knows this, there’s more information available than ever before. There’s a great quote by E.O. Wilson that’s like, “We’re drowning in information but we’re starving for wisdom”. And what we really strive to do in B-School is concise down and really hone in on what’s the wisdom that you need at this stage. What are the very few things that you need to do consistently to start getting traction so that your business can start to grow. And then once you drop to the races, man go for it! We’ll always here, we got your back. You can come back and revisit and refresh the fundamentals each year. We’re not here to like say we have the secret sauce. We’re here to get people in action, to teach them how to be discerning, and to teach them how to be strong entrepreneurs to make really smart decisions, to focus, to execute consistently, and to do it with a sense of integrity and values. Because they’ll encounter those kind of offers out there in the market. And the shiny, silver objects that are saying you know make $10,000 overnight! It’s like, I want to teach my people to be wiser than that. I want to teach them really how to build something sustainable, something they can be proud of, and something that’s going to support their families financially now and for the rest of their life.

 

Jairek: Absolutely! I love that. It’s what’s needed. You need to build the right foundation which B-School offers the ability to do that. You need to be able to platform that year after year after year and continue to grow and build the momentum necessary to get the lasting results you want, not just a quick hit and then “oh shoot, now what do we have to switch our business to tomorrow to now make a buck”. And then “oh shoot, now we’re going to change it again”.

 

Marie: yes.

 

Jairek: I always scratch my head when the same person has done 12 different things in 2 years. Nothing wrong. Maybe they’re serial entrepreneurs and had lots of passions. Or, it’s interesting… but like you said, this is the 17th year of being online?

 

Marie: Yes, 17 years of being online. Since like 2000, 2001 and since 2010. 2010 was the first year that B-School was in existence. And you know we have our free video series that’s up right now. I was having so much fun interacting with people in the comments. And I was actually so psyched to see so many of our grads actually back in our launch series. It’s like, “Oh my god Marie, I’m in B-School and I just learned this from this free video”. And I’m like these are my people, folks like us like you and I who always come with beginners in mind. Who say I want to take a look at this with fresh eyes, what are the fundamentals that really move the needle in business? And you and I both know this, consistency, knowing exactly who your market is, being able to connect with them on an emotional level and have them understand that you have their best interests in heart and not have that lip service. Have that become completely connected and integral and aligned at every sense of your communication, your website, your offerings, how you create your customer experience. And those are all the things that I think build a lasting business. And those are all the things that we teach you how to do in B-School. So as the school change and as the technology changes, and fun things come on the market and come off the market, that’s fine. You’ll always be able to learn those things on your own. But if we can teach you those core fundamentals that never change, you’ll be able to master any new things that come on the market because your message is right, your alignment is right, you have your priorities straight.

 

Jairek: Speaking of that free series that that’s going to be out right now, what are some things they can expect to learn from those videos? Because I know they’re always awesome, every year they get better. And it’s a great work, team and you for doing that. What are some key things they might pick up from that series and we’ll make sure we’ll put a link below the video or next to the video somewhere so watch for that link. And when we send you over to it, what can they pick up from that?

 

Marie: Sure. So it’s a 3-video series. In the first video, what we do is we lay out the 6 pillars to building an online business. What I’ve seen and what I’ve noticed just anecdotally and interacting with our Marie TV viewers and also our B-Schoolers. A lot of folks, especially when they’re just getting started, you start hearing what they want to do. Everything can feel so overwhelming. And it can feel like they don’t have nearly enough time in the day to do all the things they need to do, to wear all the different hats from social media to content creation to you know actually working with your clients, setting up the website, how do you manage your editorial… like it just feels just like your dying under this tidal wave, a tsunami of “I can never make all these happen”. So in that first video with the 6 pillars, we just lay out what you need to focus on first, and second, and third, and fourth to really give people a framework and a roadmap. So they can clear away some of that overwhelm and go “Ahh I got this piece handled. But you know what? This piece? That’s where I really need to focus my time and energy”. And then you kind of build on it. They’re all integrated but I find that base on the feedback that we’re getting, people were like “Thank you for simplifying it. Thank you for not making me feel crazy. Thank you for giving me a kind of framework that helps me feel like I can actually do this”. So that’s video 1. Video 2, we really start to get into poking at some of the mistaken and frankly deadly notions that people have about sales and marketing. One of the things that I’ve discovered, and rightfully so, many people especially big-hearted creatives and coaches and folks in the helping profession, they have a negative association when it comes to sales and marketing. They almost want someone else to do that for them. They want to find a business manager, or an operations person, or just a partner – someone to just take that off their plate so they can do what they really love which is help people. Now unfortunately, that’s not going to make your business work. And 9 times out of 10, it’ll actually kill your business. So what we do in that video, I want people to get that even though there’s been knuckleheads in the past and there’s kind of old school techniques with sales and marketing and that they had given it a bad name for good reason, there’s a new style of marketing called motor marketing that actually brings out the best in your humanity not the worst. And it’s a complete paradigm shift. And when small business owners and creatives and coaches really get this paradigm shift, Jairek, it changes everything. Because it goes from something that they resist or that they want to ignore or not want to do, to something that they’re pouring their creative energy into. It becomes a vehicle of service and then they get excited to do it. When they get excited to do it, they actually do it. They do it consistently. It’s way more effective. And we’re like, “Yey! Your business is working now!” So that’s video 2. That’s one of the most important. And then in video 3 we do two things. We really tackle some of the common excuses I think that can hold us back, myself included, whenever we’re looking at our next level of growth. So we hit them down one by one so people can really do self diagnostic. You know, am I using this as an excuse to just keep myself small? Or is it you know a legitimate reason I have to say no and I’m just going to stay in my place. So we’ve kind of taken a look at each one of the 7 common excuse that hold people back. And then on the second half of the video, we get to meet some B-Schoolers from very diverse backgrounds. You know, people that are coming from different countries that have completely different business models that are coming with different sets of resources both financial, emotional, mental, different age ranges. And really here, from that very experience, I want to say Jairek, not everyone that you’re going to hear from has specific million-dollar business. Some of them are still riding that beginning stage. But you know what? They’re not sitting on a sideline any longer. They’re not victimizing themselves, saying “Gosh, I don’t know how I’m going to make this work”. They’re in the process of building something that they love. And they’re finally using their gifts in a way that makes sense and they’re seeing results. You know again, it may not be those multi-million dollar stories. Those are happening, we have those results and those are great. God bless, they’re wonderful! But you know what’s also awesome? Taking someone who was terrified and scared and didn’t believe in themselves, and seeing themselves do it and working with their clients and getting the profit coming in for the first time in their lives. To me, it’s amazing. So that’s a little bit of a preview of what you’re getting from the series.

 

Jairek: Very cool, I love that! I’m excited to check it out again as always. I’m always excited to see what you’re all up to and how it rolls out each year. It’s very fun to watch and be a part of. I’m always taking notes too. So now I would love to kind of wrap this up with a fire round of interesting questions about Marie and B-School and what you’ve learned along your journey.

 

Marie: yes.

 

Jairek: Number one, the funniest moment that has happened over the years specifically in B-School?

 

Marie: Ok, so uhm we do this office hours call which you have mentioned before just where I just hop on the phone and I talk to as many B-Schoolers as I can. It’s a big group line, it’s really fun. And we tackle the questions and concerns and we get into it. So a few years back, I was doing an office hours call, and I was in New York City at the time, and it was pretty hot. And the air conditioner just wasn’t working and it’s just like one of those days. And I was like alright this is just what it’s going to be. It’s hot, I had an event that I had to go to later, but I have this office hours call. So hanging out, doing office hours call, again telling you that it’s quite hot in New York, like really hot. And I’m a girl with a lot of hair so I had my hair up in a bun. And I don’t know where, the doorbell rang. And I’m like “Oh my God, I’ve thousands of people on the line, my dog Kumo is going to start barking”. And I was like, I told everyone “guys I didn’t expect to leave but I just have to go get it. I don’t have a doorman in my building”. Well everyone is cool, Luis on my team came on the line and said “hey everyone I’m going to talk to you for a minute”. And I go over to open the door and it’s the FedEx man and I completely forgot I didn’t have a shirt on. I have a bra on but I just open the door with like thousands of people online with my bra and sweating like “Give me the package!” And I just shut the door. He didn’t get too much of a show, it was nothing more than me being in a bikini but I remember coming back on the line and like “you guys are not going to believe what just happened”. I was so into my coaching call I just completely forgot that you know to not sweat my face off, I had taken off my shirt”. So there you go. It happens.

 

Jairek: I’m sure the FedEx route is gunning for more new packages on that route specifically in this summer. Let’s see. My second question is what, and this one’s going to be a little bit hard because there’s two part to this question, but what has been the most heartfelt moment for you out of all the years at B-School so far? Just something that warmed your heart, maybe put a tear in your eye. Something that you sat back and like “Wow, like if that’s the only thing that happened, that was just the coolest thing ever”?

 

Marie: Yeah, I definitely have it for you. I don’t know why this story just sticks with me over and over again. But it’s something that happened. A dear friend of mine - Kris Carr actually, she’s one of my best friends – she was launching her book in New York City and I was like co-hosting that book launch with her, for her. And we’re kind of in the area where it was a reception and she was signing books and I was just meeting people and saying hi. And this lovely woman came up to me and she just gave me a hug and she started crying. And she’s like, “Marie, I’m a B-Schooler” and she has a little bit of an accent. She’s from Amsterdam, sorry not really good, sometimes I’m getting that sense but I’m not good at that one. So I won’t even pretend. She was crying and she was giving me this hug and she’s like “I have to tell you that what you’ve created in B-School is beyond what you could ever imagine”. I was like thank you, like who are you, what’s going on. And she’s like “I need to tell you my story. I was a successful TV host in the Netherlands. And I just keep feeling the sense of like I want to do something else, I want to help people. But I didn’t know where to start my own business. I’d only been successful in this TV station but I didn’t know what else to do. I stumbled across your videos and I wound up signing up for B-School. Within a year, I was able to translate all of my journalistic skills and what she did as a TV host into this new business”. So her business became profitable and she was doing great. And then her dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. And what happened was because her business was profitable and because she had this flexibility, the doctors basically gave him 3 months to live, she was able to move her dad into her house while she’s still running her business and she was able to take care of her dad for the last months of his life. And she told me that her dad actually died in her arms. And it was like, she said “That never could have happened if I didn’t find you and if I didn’t sign up for your program. And it will never leave me for the rest of my life that I had that time with my dad”. And I was, I couldn’t even you know, I can’t even handle it now. So she just went on to tell me that they had a B-Schooler community, there’s B-Schooler communities all over the world. So she said there’s a wonderful group of B-Schoolers right in Amsterdam and they all kind of rallied around her at her time in need. And again, all of these happened Jairek that I don’t even know anything about. And this was like months and months later and she decided to jump on a plane. She said “I love Kris but I don’t really know her that well. I just knew you were here. And I felt like I had to thank you in person because it was the biggest gift of my life”. So that’s my favorite.

 

Jairek: What a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful gift to be able to give someone that moment, especially to someone with their father going through this and being there for him which is such a blessing.

 

Marie: Yeah. And I think that’s what’s kind of always hits me about this. I think you know, and for everyone listening too, we just don’t know what’s coming around the corner right? None of us know. That’s the beauty of life. That’s the adventure of life. That’s the uncertainty. But it’s also the reality. And I feel like taking a stand for what you believe in and starting to brick by brick build that life and work towards that vision is so worthy. You know when I look back 17 years ago, I am so grateful that I had the audacity and the courage and a bit of nerve to just like go out there and like say F it, I’m going to do it. And I’m going to try and I might stumble because you get to a certain point in your life and you look back and my goodness, those few decisions I made back there, they changed everything. And so yeah we just never know what’s coming down the pike and I think from the fulfillment that comes, from expressing your gifts, from being brave enough to try something that you believe in, to the very real and practical implications of having freedom and even a little bit of resources or time or ability to be with people you love when they need you. There’s no price tag you can put on that.

 

Jairek: That’s true. It’s so very true. And you’re right, it’s the greatest gift you can have in the world - the freedom and flexibility to be there with the people that matter most to you in the moments they need you most. To be respectful of your time, the final thing I want to wrap up with is just if someone was literally on the edge of their seat, they have their dream, they know what they want to do, or they’ve known what they want to do for a long time, and they’re literally trying to figure out like what are the first let’s say 3-5 things that they need to do either mentally, emotionally, physically, online, offline – like where is the best 3-points starting point that if we are to give them those 3-5 tips right now, just rock solid like here’s step by step by step of what you need to do, what would we leave them with on that? That way, it’s very actionable, it’s very specific.

 

Marie: So I would say know your dream. If you know it, you got to write it down and you got to be so specific and clear about it. It’s one thing to have it in your mind and I think it’s awesome, visualization is fantastic, something we should practice. But I also believe that there is an incredible, transformative, magic if you will when you write things down on paper. Not even type them in the computer. I mean write them down by hand. And look at that every single day. We have so many distractions that are possible in our world between our phones and the media and newspaper and everything that’s happening. If we focus ourselves on the clarity of what we want and that vision and why it’s so important to us and you do it every day – when you wake up in the morning, whenever you’re taking a break from lunch, before you go to bed for dinner – you are going to train your brain literally to the reticular activating system. To start scanning your environment, to find the exact article, the person, to take the action needed to start bringing that vision to life. So I’d say that’s definitely tip #1. Tip #2 is one of my favorites you know. If it’s not scheduled, it’s not real. So you’ve got to take some action every single day to make that vision come to life. It doesn’t have to be huge or gargantuan, everyone has different levels of responsibility in terms of full time jobs or families. But everybody can carve out some time to take at least one action to start making it real during the day. And you know this Jairek, I mean we all know this intrinsically, if you take action every day you start to create momentum. And when you start to create momentum, you start to feel the thing coming to life. And the emotion of you seeing and feeling it coming to life almost creates this vacuum that pulls you ahead. It is magnetic and unstoppable. But it starts with that daily action. You have to do it every day no matter what. And I would say the third thing to do is reach out for help from someone. You know if there is an uncle or a brother or a sister or a friend or a colleague or anyone who you feel is someone of a kindred spirit. Anybody! Even it could be like finding a podcast or a show like this. Some voice that you can connect with for help every single day. And when I say help, it’s just more it’s inspiration, it’s connection. I feel like we human beings, if we stay by ourselves for too long and we just work on something by ourselves for too long and we don’t connect with others, it starts to die. We start to get into a place of self doubt or just “hmm this isn’t going to work. No one cares. I should just go and watch TV”. But when you have that other person chirping in your ear, that other person to connect with, I feel like that connection and community really does help bring things to life. So those are the 3 things: the vision, the daily action, and some form of human connection.

 

Jairek: I love it. We’re going to do something fun for everyone tuning in. since you stood to watch all the way to this point. In the comments section, and we’re going to air this in a bunch of different places, so if you’re watching on Facebook, YouTube or anywhere else that you’re seeing this. In the comments section, if you actually go and do those 3 steps for us and actually write down here’s exactly what my vision is, here’s exactly my action I’m going to commit to, here’s my schedule that I’m actually going to do, and here’s who or what I’m going to connect with every single day in order to do that, we’re going to send you a surprise special box of awesomeness which includes some awesome books that might not be released yet from certain people around the world. It might be signed by certain people that you might be interested in that might have some other awesome bonuses in. I can’t tell you exactly what comes in this box. I’m just telling you it’s special, it is valuable, and you will find nothing else like it. It might even have a handmade journal that’s almost impossible to find with a very unique pen that comes with it. I’m just saying that if you stood this long and you got all these awesomeness which we want to thank Marie for, and you’re willing to take action to do that. The only other thing I want you to write in the comments section in order to qualify – what we’re going to do is we’ll comb through and we’ll send out two, we’re going to pick 2 different people who’ll win this box. And what I want you to also write in the comments section is what is your business, what is the dream you have for your business, and what commitment you’re making right now to actually make that dream a reality. And I want to know because I want to be able to, Marie and I, will be able to scan through and read and figure out what your business is, what your dream is, and what you’re trying to make happen. And hopefully we might be able to chime in and support you and give you a couple of tips or insights of how to make that happen if you’re watching and tuning in. Ms Marie, thank you, thank you as always for joining us here on JRCTV and Facebook live and twitter and everywhere else that everyone is going to join us and check this out. We always appreciate your time and all the amazing things that you’re putting in the world. If you leave everyone with one last thought, what would it be?

 

Marie: My life mantra – everything is figure-outable. If there is anything in this world that you want to experience or create or achieve or make happen then you have it within you to figure it out. Whether you go out on the internet and start researching, you reach out to someone, you ask for help, you pray, you meditate – whatever works for you. You find a way. It is figure-outable.

 

Jairek: I love that, it’s one of my favorites. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And I’ll see everyone here next week for another amazing episode. And make sure to mention in the comments the answer to all those awesome questions so that you qualify to win that awesome surprise box.

 

Marie: Bye everyone, thank you!

 

Jairek: Hey everyone, this is going to sound crazy but it totally slipped my mind that we forgot to tell you about the newest, most amazing addition that have been added to B-School this year that are literally out of this world. I’m going to shut up and let Marie take over. Because these things literally, if you let me talk about it, I don’t think I’d be able to shut up about it. Literally! So take it from here and tell them what is the new awesomeness that’s been added because it’s pretty freaking amazing.

 

Marie: Yes, so for B-School to share again, we improve the program each and every year. We have more dedicated mentor-coaches than ever. What that means is you’ll have more support. People guiding you, actually showing you how to implement everything we teach from programming and tech, to web design, to e-commerce, if you ever want to do products or someone you know wants to have a product-based business, to copywriting, to life coaching itself, and to just general small business help. So there will be so much professional support inside the program, helping you really understand the strategies, how do they apply to your specific business. That’s one amazing improvement. We’re so excited about it. The second thing is we have a program that’s included in B-School that helps us tackle one of the biggest obstacles we all face which is overwhelmed and not being able to finish what we started. This program is called the Follow Through formula. It has been revamped and remade and when I shared it to my team, they’re like “Marie this is a whole lot of program”. And I’m like, “Yeah I know, that’s why we did it. Because we want to help people get stuff done and that’s how all the magic happens”. So you get that the moment that you register. In addition, there’s another program that we completely revamped that is bigger and better and more actionable than ever, it’s called Start the Right Business. So if you or anyone you know is in a position where like “you know what, I think I know what I want to do but I’m not really sure if my business idea is the right one”. Or “I have too many business ideas, how do I choose the right one”? Or “I have an idea but it’s unproven”. Start the Right Business really walks you through what you need to know, what you need to do and understand in order to get clear so then you can execute all the stuff that we teach you in B-School. Again, it’s a really robust program completely remade top to bottom. That’s included and you get it the moment that you come in. and then, this was the thing that people have been requesting for a while, you know at B-School like anything that’s valuable is an investment. And we heard from a lot of our students and a lot of our potential students that they wanted a more extended payment plan. So that we have that for you this year. So if you can pay in full, fabulous. But if you can’t then it’s not a problem because we have a payment plan that is 12 monthly payments of $199 which make it very accessible if you’re really serious about investing in your business so that you can have your casual be in place and you could take care of your education at the same time. And there’s more but those are kind of the top line items of what’s really new and really awesome at B-School this year.

 

Jairek: That’s amazing. I mean the copywriting – just to go through a couple that stood up to me, the ones that I’m most excited about. The copywriting is ridiculous! I happened to be subscribed in a couple of side bonus where you give us little hints and surprises and show us what it’s all about. Amazing! In my experience of going around my business, I’ll tell you learning how to do copywriting, understanding the principles behind it, is a game changer to expand what it is you’re doing. Without it, you can survive. With it, you can thrive at levels that are just ridiculous. Really truly, I’ve had the opportunity to work business of all sizes. You know we have friends and people we’ve worked with who’ve gone out and raised their $200 million bucks to open their start up. And what’s wild is,           you see all the infrastructure and the buildings and the teams and all those other jazz and it comes back to like, they call me and say “hey, who do you know who can actually do the copywriting for our website or our letter and all these stuff?”  I’m like “you all know how to raise $200 million bucks and you’re trying to figure out how to write a freaking newsletter?” And they’re like “yeah, do you know anybody? Like I just keep writing it and it doesn’t sound right”. And we laugh because it’s literally a game changer of all scale-sizable businesses. And it’s a skill set that not only if you can learn how to apply it in your own business, but something that also becomes a tangible skill set and a life skill that’s valuable everywhere else including, if you ever want to work with one of those $200 million business and show them the works of your magic sauce that you can learn on this awesome bonus.

 

Marie: Yeah, it’s like having… so what we do have is like copywriting coaches working alongside you in the program and there’s 2 of them and they’re both excellent. Like to be able to take a look at your headline or what’s on your website and say “Hmmm you might want to try this”. It’s a game changer.

 

Jairek: And PS, for that to be included, to me is insane. I got so freaking excited about hearing that. Because literally, I remember when we were trying to figure out how to update our copy and reaching out to some of those pros and having people hit me back and say “hey, I’d be happy to write a letter for you, it’d cost you $50,000”. And me being like, “What?? You’re going to write a letter? $50,000??” And there’d be like “yeah, it’s what it’s worth”. And me be like “Ok, let me try someone else. Maybe this person’s literally crazy”. And I go to the next person and they’d be like “Ahhmm, we’d cut you a deal. We’d do it for like $35,000”. And I was just like “for one freaking letter?? Like what do you guys have in your pen??” But what’s wild is, being in that side community, watching you’re sharing and watching the inside, watching the difference it can make for your business. You’ll see the value and you immediately go “holy smokes”. That one letter, that one email you can write, that one way you can rephrase a page literally will be the difference in barely making it versus absolutely crushing it. And for you guys to include that is amazing. And I can’t believe I almost forgot to talk about that. So thank you for popping back on and telling about those. For everyone who’s interested, make sure to go over and check it out. If you want to google B-School. What do they google, Marie Forleo B-School?

 

Marie: Yeah, Marie Forleo B-School. I’m sure you’ll probably put links in here for them. And you can just direct them to the free series. We got everything out online. And you know we’re very transparent. It’s like here’s what you’re looking for, here’s what we’re offering. If it sounds good, come join us. If it doesn’t, we love you and you know awesome we wish you the best. So thanks Jairek.

 

Jairek: Absolutely. Side caveat, and I forgot to include this last time, we got lots of emails all year long is this is only open for a very short period of time each year.

 

Marie: Yes. In the past 7 years, we’ve only opened once per year. Because we pour so much of ourselves into in, like the entire team, we pour everything we have into making sure our students have the best experience. So the window of time is now. And I think the most important thing to remember is once you’re a B-Schooler, you’re a B-Schooler for life. So we have loads of students that come back every year. You know they go as far as they can and they start to get some success and they’re like “alright, I’m going to pause on this and keep building my business”. And then they come back the next year and they can do it for free. So once you’re a B-Schooler, you’re a B-Schooler for life and every upgrade we make to the program, any improvements we make to the program, you get included on that at no charge.

 

Jairek: That’s awesome. So for those of you who are watching this right now and you just saw this video being sent out or posted online, go immediately and check that out because you’re not going to want to miss it and it will be gone within I think a few weeks or a month. So you absolutely want to get there as fast as possible. Now for those of you who just get a little side note and you catch this 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 12 months after the original posting date, do not worry. You don’t have to freak out. But we will give you an update when it will open again. And make sure you act fast and act quickly to get there. Otherwise it will be gone and you’ll have to wait an entire 12-month calendar cycle before you get any of this awesomeness again. So please go there quickly and check this out. I had a few people last year who watched it. Literally 4 days after, everything was closed. They’re like “did I miss it?” And I said yes. And they’re like “Nooooo!!” So don’t be one of those people who emails us like “please can you call Marie and ask her if she can just send me that video again? It was so good and it’s gone!” Go there and freaking take notes like crazy and do everything that it says. So it’s amazing and it’s awesome and I don’t want you to miss it. And if you do miss it, yes you can opt in and recite and get a year’s full of awesomeness to wait next year but I highly recommend you do it now because here’s what’s crazy: if you have a business and you have an idea, why wait 12 more months to actually get it to actualize everything you imagined it can be. Don’t wait. The world needs it, the world wants it. And Marie can show you how to help get it to them in a classy, strong, powerful and unique way. So please go there, check it out and thank you again for this little side clip we forgot to tell them. So have a great day everyone and continue home.

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3 Fundamentals to Increase Personal Performance

February 14, 2017

Download the worksheet that goes along with this episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/3fundamentalsofperformance/ 

 

Today we’re going to be talking about 3 of the most important fundamentals that are necessary to increase your personal and professional performance.

 

So what are these fundamentals?

 

What’s the foundation you need as a human being to really excel and perform at your absolute best? Before I tell you, let me just give you a little bit of a test. Let’s say that you are a soldier and you get captured by the enemy. What are the things that they take away from you piece by piece to break you down as a human being – to break your willpower, to break your resilience, to keep you from being your absolute best? What do they take away?

 

First, many times they do something like sleep torture. So they take away your sleep. Your ability to have consistent, deep, quality sleep or even any sleep at all. Many times I’ve heard they put you in rooms, and I know this sounds crazy and I don’t know where I’ve read this. They put you in rooms and they play loud music at you, 24 hours a day that keeps you from having the ability to get sleep and replenish your mind and body. This breaks down yourself psychologically.

 

Not only that, what else do they take away? A lot of times they’ll take away food. They take away your ability to give your body the nutrients it needs to be at its peak. And so they feed you a little soup with a pea in it. Or they feed you a little piece of bread once a day. And it literally starts to deteriorate your body because you don’t have the fuel physically to keep running on.

 

The final thing they take away? They lock you in a little cell and they keep you from having the ability to move. And so what’s interesting is when you do this to a human being, it breaks them down. It breaks them mentally, emotionally and physically down to a point that they can no longer function at any level, if not peak capacity.

 

So what’s really wild is when you look at the foundational element it takes to get to a human being – you! – to perform at absolute best, what do you think are the 3 major components are to get you at your best?

 

Number one, we need to make sure you have high quality sleep. So in today’s download, we got a handful of tips from a good friend of ours, Shawn Stevenson, who wrote a book called “Sleep Smarter”. In the book, he describes 21 different ways you can amplify and intensify and increase the quality of your sleep.

 

So we gave you a couple of tips. I’d love to know how you currently rate yourself in the area of sleep and I’d love to also give you a handful of tips that can help you increase your sleep over the next days, weeks, months of your life and get better quality sleep every night.

 

The next piece is nutrition. How would you rate yourself currently in your nutrition, what you feed yourself?

 

Now most of the executives and entrepreneurs that I work with usually have a story that goes something like this: “Well I know what I should be eating every day, but you know. I mean it’s life, you’ve got to have fun. You’ve got to let lose, right? I mean, what am I supposed to do when I go out with a client and they asked me to have drinks? What do I do if it’s my niece’s birthday party last night and it’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow and it’s grandma’s birthday party on Thursday? Not only that, my uncle’s turning 50 on Sunday! So you know, I’ve got to have a piece of cake”.

 

And you hear all these stories about all the things they should be doing, but then in reality what they’re actually doing doesn’t match. So you rate yourself. How well do you fuel your body with food, with nutrition every single day? Do you put only the highest quality, best fuel on your mind and body physically? I mean not only what your feed yourself in the mouth but what you read, what you listen to, what you learn.

 

Are you putting the highest quality fuel, kind of a level 10 or 50-50 – some days you do, some days you don’t? Or are you kind of a 0-1 where you’re just putting junk in, expecting some high performance result when in actuality you’re really just breaking yourself down from the inside out?

 

So nutrition, sleep… the final is movement. How much are you moving every day? This is overly simple. But I’ll tell at a point in my life when I thought I was really active – I wake up, I do a 30-minute walk on the beach with a jog, I go lift weights at the gym, I do an hour of yoga in the afternoon, and I sat down and I use one of these little fitness trackers to see how much I was actually moving.

 

And I thought well I have to be way above average because I’m moving so much, I’m so active. I mean I work out, I do yoga, I lift weights – I have tons of steps. And I remember a saying that the average person should be doing 10,000 steps a day to stay super healthy. And I remember wearing it for the first time, coming home, looking at it, and thinking it must not be calibrated right because it said I only walked 4,000 steps that day.

 

I remember thinking, “wait a minute, holy smokes! I’m not even giving an average kind of result”. And I expect myself to perform above average. I want above average, extraordinary, outstanding results and I’m only showing up average in my steps. That’s weird. So I did it for a week and I found out it was true.

 

And all of a sudden I started to figure out what could I do each day to get to just a thousand more steps, 2500 more steps, one more mile in each day? And by doing it, it caused me to find ways to increase my performance and it paid dividends in results, phenomenal results! So question, how much are you actually moving?

 

Now here’s a bigger question and that’s in the download today, which is how are you currently tracking day-to-day all 3 of these categories?

 

Because what I find is when I work with top executives of different companies and say how well do you sleep, they’d say “Oh pretty well”. I’d say how do you know that? And you get the weird, “oh I guess I wake up most days feeling good and I normally sleep about this many hours”. I’d say what system, what device, how are you actually tracking the quality of your sleep not just the time? Are you using one of those Apple products to kind of watch how you move at night? Are you using a Fitbit or a sleep tracker in some way to see how deep your sleep is, the quality?

 

What about your nutrition, can you track not only what you’re eating but how nutritious it is for your body? Are you eating right for your blood type and those kinds of things? Are you putting the right fuel for your body, for the machine you have? You put a different type of fuel in the Lamborghini than you do a Toyota Corolla. But what kind of fuel and how do you know the difference? How are you measuring the quality of what you’re fueling your body with?

 

Not only that, movement! How are you tracking your movement? When you go to the gym, do you just write it down? Do you have a journal? Again, do you use a tracker?

 

So we have some suggestions for you if you want to increase your performance. This is the very first base level kind of rating we give any of our clients that come to work with us for one-on-one coaching. We help them figure out what are they actually doing. And then we help them create a plan and figure out how do they want to improve it, where do they want to go from here? And how they’re going to set up systems and accountability to make sure they’re actually following through. So it’s not something you intellectually know you should be doing, but something you’re actually applying and doing every single day.

 

So download today’s worksheet. Get a rating. Get a scale of how you feel you’re actually doing. Grab some of the tools we use. Try them out and see how you’re actually performing. If you want some help to increase your performance, give us a call. We’ll do a complimentary 30-minute session with you with myself or one of our coaches. And we’ll help you put together a plan on how you can increase your personal and professional performance.

 

So I hope you enjoy this episode. Pass it on if you think you know someone who needs it. Hit the share button and spread the love! And I’ll see you next week for another episode of JRCtv.

Enjoy!!

To Your Success,

Jairek

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