Download the worksheet that goes with today's episode here: http://www.jairekrobbins.com/how-to-apologize-like-you-mean-it/
Hey there welcome back to another episode of JRCTV.
Today we are talking about those moments where you messed up and you know you did and you have to apologize. We’re talking about how to apologize in a way it’ll actually be received really, well specifically in a relationship. One of the number one most important don’t ever do's is to say "I’m sorry your feelings are hurt" because in that moment if you did something and you need to apologize, when you say "I’m sorry your feelings are hurt", what you’re basically telling the other person is you’re not taking responsibility for whatever just happened, that hurt their feelings versus if you say, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings”.
In that moment instead of, "I’m sorry you’re hurt", it’s "I’m sorry I did something to hurt your feelings". In that moment you’re taking responsibility because the number 1 step for an apology is, you have to take responsibility for whatever just happened to help them in that moment understand that you are owning the fact that their feelings are hurt.
Now whenever I share this with people a lot of times they tell me something like, “but wait a minute, What if I didn’t do it? What if I didn’t hurt their feelings, what if they’re just being sensitive? What if it wasn’t my fault?” Well here is the big question, would you rather both be happy or would you rather be right? Because this is a big factor that a lot of people mess up on, and they would say, “I would rather be right and factual”.
It’s like “well great, then you deal with someone being unhappy in your life, you deal with the pain, the frustrations, the anger, the upset that’s going to come from this and how many days, weeks, and months it’s going to last again and again and again if you don’t handle it now, versus if you want to handle it right now at this moment. You can literally cap it, let it go away and it’ll never repeat, it’ll never return, it’ll never poke it’s little head out three months from now and say “remember that one time when you did that?”.
It’ll be gone it’ll be released from their nervous system. So if you want the ability to release it so it never comes back ... Number one is: You have to own it – Step number one: "I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
Number two: In that moment, you then have to dig deep and figure out what specifically hurt their feelings, you got to ask... “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but I’d love to know what happened, what did I do? And if they go “Oh, that ,you know what you did!” in that moment go “ No please, I think I missed it, otherwise I would know what to say, but I’m sorry I hurt your feelings but I’m not sure what did it. I just to own the fact that I know I did it but what specifically did I do?” and help pinpoint the exact moment, the exact time, the exact word, the exact feeling, the exact look you gave him the exact thing you did or didn’t do that hurt their feelings.
And in that moment, again, just won it...don’t rebut, don’t try to say “but I didn’t mean that” don’t argue it, don’t justify it, don’t do anything except for own it. And say, "Sorry, wow, okay, I didn’t know that was it, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I said that or I did that specifically...will you forgive me?" And in that moment, if they go “Yeah fine , whatever, you’re forgiven, okay, just leave me alone.” in that moment say “No, I genuinely I would like to own this and I only hope that you would take a moment to actually release and forgive me and if you’re willing that,I’d appreciate it.”
And if it’s genuine, and you care, and it’s real in that moment you might allow them to finally release that little piece of anger, or frustration or hurt that hit them, and hopefully, if they can let it out and release it ...it’s gone! And you won’t ever have to do it again, but those are a couple of steps that might help when forgiving.
Now the other factor here is, remember you got to take ownership, you got to get specific and then you have to ask for forgiveness and make sure that it’s real and genuine. The final moment is after they said yes after they release it say “Hey can we wrap up real quick? For just one thing, I’d love to personally be able to share with you five things I love and appreciate about you, and if you’d be open too, I’d love to know maybe five things you love and appreciate about me.", and end with five things that you love and appreciate about them and them sharing with you as well.
And what happens is, in the moment you own the fact that their feelings are hurt , you find out what specifically that caused it and own that as well, you ask for forgiveness, and then you reconnect and rekindle the love and connection, and intimacy if it’s your intimate partner back into that relationship.
Even if it’s a business partner, you figure out that you own the fact that you hurt their feelings, you upset them, you ask what specifically did it, you ask for forgiveness for that specifically and then reconnect and say “You know what, the five things I love about you, as my business partner, I love and appreciate this, this, this, this and this.” and you rekindle that relationship and rebuild the bond.
So hopefully this is helpful. Download today’s worksheet and there are little tips there for you, have some fun with this, go heal some relationship, go get rid of some anger, go help other people release that so that you can finally have the peace and freedom in their life that they deserve.
Have fun with this and I hope to see you next week for another episode of JRCTV. Until then, have an amazing week.